Poop Shute

If you want to know who your friends are, if you want to know who really respects you and loves you, then there is one very good test.

Make an unorthodox decision.

Make it a good one, and make it one you really care about, because if you don't think it through, if you don't really believe in it, then you will have a problem. The problem will come when you have to explain said decision to friends and family. Your decision will be challenged and questioned, and you will need to be able to answer to these things.

Some of these challenges and questions will come from a place of support. Some of these people will actually just be looking to understand your decision better. Their questions and concerns will clearly speak to that end. These people are most likely your true friends, and people you can count on for life.

But some of these will not come from a desire to understand. Some of these challenges will come from a place of stubborn ignorance, closed-mindedness and will actually be intended to dissuade you and undermine your decision. These are the voices of fear. Of conformity. This second group sees you breaking from the norm and suffers from a strange desire for you to fit into that category of the norm. For them to continue being your friend you must fit into their idea of normal. The abnormal is scary for some, and must be rooted out for them to remain comfortable with you in their life.

Chances are you also may not see this occuring cleanly in black and white. You may see some people colored with elements of both. If you see these shades of grey, you must consider for yourself which way they lean, and what their reactions mean to you.

If I seem to be writing this from personal experience, I have mislead you. I have actually had very little of the latter response lately. I have received only one comment that troubled me, and I may be misunderstanding it at that. This is not a moody rumination about bad experiences I have had, just a thought that struck me just now.

COMMENTS

You make me smile Joey.
Conformity has its uses. But I say that mainly because I'm surrounded by unconventional people.
I believe that one's preconceptions of another person's reaction becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy; because preconceptions color the way we present information to other people. And I kinda get the impression from this post that you're looking for conflict.
Being in an unconventional sexual relationship doesn't have to be an epic struggle against prudes everywhere.
But hey, I understand that you're just trying to have a discussion, and I'm lobbing back the ball.
Beno 08.27.05 - 1:40 am

"Being in an unconventional sexual relationship doesn't have to be an epic struggle against prudes everywhere."
It doesn't? Damnit I was hoping Joey would go on the attack against prudes using a gas powered m60, a large hunting knife, and arrows with explosive tips that can blow up a whole bridge.
therealdavid 08.27.05 - 3:30 am

Beno, I apreciate the earnest attempt at dialogue, but I was not actually "looking for conflict."
The unpleasent side of the experience was, as I said, not my own. I cannot speak for Noel and Meg though, if you catch my meaning.
It just struck me that you can really tell who respects you and who doesn't by how they react to your decisions. EXAMPLE: A friend is confused by a choice you have made. After asking all the necassary questions, a true friend would say something like this maybe:
"well, I don't think this is a good idea, but if you think it will make you happy then I won't stand in your way."
My parents, you yourself, David, Brian, etc etc fit into that category, for example.
It's the people that judge and lecture and presume to know what is best for you and decide that you are a bad person etc etc that I don't have a list for. Others may. I do not. It pains me to see it happen at all though, because it is manipulative and not as easy to shrug off as it should be.
Honestly, that is all I meant by this post.
Joey 08.27.05 - 6:45 am

DISCLAIMER:
The friend is in the right if they are trying to dissuade you from a decision that involves irreparable harm to life or limb, including severe psychological/emotional harm. In that situation the friend NEEDS to fight you. In all other cases the friend needs to let you live your own life.
Sorry, I just knew that if I didn't point out that extreme example to the contrary, that somebody would.
Joey 08.27.05 - 6:48 am

"well, I don't think this is a good idea, but if you think it will make you happy then I won't stand in your way."
Well it is true that I thought this way at the beginning, I later came to the conclusion that I have no evidence to back up the idea that what you're doing is not a good idea What the hell do I know?
The number of relationships I've had can be counted on the hand of a blind shop teacher with missing fingers. On what authority can I advise anyone on how to have a successful relationship?
Unless it is asked for, I usually find when people give advice, they're just using the opportunity to impose their lives on someone else.
"Here's a little advice..."
"You know what you should do..."
Now what I'd be concerned with is to give your current situation a bit of hard thinking and sharp focus. What's driving you to keep this going, why do you want it, and where do you want to take it? But somehow I don't believe that this line of thinking hasn't passed through your head before.
therealdavid 08.27.05 - 2:53 pm

I see what you're saying.
Beno 08.30.05 - 4:18 pm