True Story
On the radio on NPR yesterday morning a correspondent began a story with the artificial radio-guy tone of voice and completely broke character in the middle because of is own exasperation. He sighed heavily, let a little of himself leak out, and then resumed the plastic radio voice like it never happened. It went a little something like this:
"And in economic news... (sigh) this recession thing is getting old... President Obama has announced blah blah blah-- "
Obviously, it didn't really end "blah blah blah, but I stopped listening at that point because I was laughing too hard.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hummus and PETA
You've got to be friggin' kidding me. In an interview the other night, President Obama smacked a fly on his hand in an impressive Miyagi-like display of reflex and speed.
PETA made a stink about it. When I heard about it on the goofy morning radio show I was listening to, I assumed it was a joke.
Not a joke. READ HERE
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Oh, David Letterman, No! No! No!
Do you remember that Simpsons Halloween Special where all the billboard characters and restaurant mascots came to life and started terrorizing the town?
Remember Paul Anka's jingle that destroyed them?
"Just don't look, just don't look!"
You deprive them of attention and you rob them of their power and they die.
WHY WHY WHY can't we all agree to do that to Sarah Palin?!
I realize that by writing this, I am sort of part of the problem, but I am only writing to be the voice of metacognition. Think about it people.
I'm referring of course to the ridiculous "feud" between Sarah Palin and David Letterman. If you don't know what I'm talking about, READ HERE.
Sarah Palin succeeded in branding herself as a the beauty pageant runner up from hell. She appeared to most of us like a crazy, Prada-wearing, gun-toting, high-functioning retarded woman from the hills. She became a laughing stock for her $100,000 clothing bills, hunting from helicopters, and public speaking skills that fall somewhere between George W Bush and THIS CHICK and in the process did more good for the Democratic party than any democrat has done in nearly a decade. Thank you Sarah.
But now, don't you see what is happening here? It's just like what Blagojevich has been trying to do. She's grabbing at any press she can get to make sure she remains relevent. She can't let us forget her. If she fades back into the Alaskan obscurity from whence she came, then she can't run for national office again in 2012. This way, she stays in our minds, and allows herself a chance to REbrand, and try again.
Jokes in poor taste are told all the time about any number of celebrities and politicians, but the $#%@ media gave credence to this stupid feud, and David Letterman caved to pressure and apologized to her, thusly rewarding and validating Palin's half-baked gripes and rewarding the stupid $#@% media that perpetuated this garbage.
But, I urge you, my fellow Americans, nay I implore you, heed the concise words of Paul Anka; Just Don't Look, Just Don't Look!
...or if you must look, never forget. Do NOT let her rebrand. When she reappears in full force somewhere between now and when the 2012 election drive really amps up (and she will) and she begins to appear different and possibly more appealing (and she will) just remember her piss poor debate showing. Remember when Katie Couric asked her to name what specific news sources she reads, and she replied "all of them." Just remember... THE HORROR
Do you remember that Simpsons Halloween Special where all the billboard characters and restaurant mascots came to life and started terrorizing the town?
Remember Paul Anka's jingle that destroyed them?
"Just don't look, just don't look!"
You deprive them of attention and you rob them of their power and they die.
WHY WHY WHY can't we all agree to do that to Sarah Palin?!
I realize that by writing this, I am sort of part of the problem, but I am only writing to be the voice of metacognition. Think about it people.
I'm referring of course to the ridiculous "feud" between Sarah Palin and David Letterman. If you don't know what I'm talking about, READ HERE.
Sarah Palin succeeded in branding herself as a the beauty pageant runner up from hell. She appeared to most of us like a crazy, Prada-wearing, gun-toting, high-functioning retarded woman from the hills. She became a laughing stock for her $100,000 clothing bills, hunting from helicopters, and public speaking skills that fall somewhere between George W Bush and THIS CHICK and in the process did more good for the Democratic party than any democrat has done in nearly a decade. Thank you Sarah.
But now, don't you see what is happening here? It's just like what Blagojevich has been trying to do. She's grabbing at any press she can get to make sure she remains relevent. She can't let us forget her. If she fades back into the Alaskan obscurity from whence she came, then she can't run for national office again in 2012. This way, she stays in our minds, and allows herself a chance to REbrand, and try again.
Jokes in poor taste are told all the time about any number of celebrities and politicians, but the $#%@ media gave credence to this stupid feud, and David Letterman caved to pressure and apologized to her, thusly rewarding and validating Palin's half-baked gripes and rewarding the stupid $#@% media that perpetuated this garbage.
But, I urge you, my fellow Americans, nay I implore you, heed the concise words of Paul Anka; Just Don't Look, Just Don't Look!
...or if you must look, never forget. Do NOT let her rebrand. When she reappears in full force somewhere between now and when the 2012 election drive really amps up (and she will) and she begins to appear different and possibly more appealing (and she will) just remember her piss poor debate showing. Remember when Katie Couric asked her to name what specific news sources she reads, and she replied "all of them." Just remember... THE HORROR
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Thursday, June 04, 2009
People make me laugh
(myself included)
With each new convenience that we manage to contrive for ourselves comes a whole new laundry list of complications and ailments and overblown health alerts by the media.
Everybody, please say hello to CELL PHONE ELBOW
Essentially, it's a cousin of carpal tunnel, only it lives at the other end of the fore arm.
Who among us hasn't spent a little too long on their phone with an old friend catching up, and noticed a bit of stiffness and/or discomfort in their elbow? I know I've done it a time or two. But if I know I'm going to be on for a long while, I usually I have the foresight to plug in my hands free set.
Don't get me wrong, I recognize that, like carpal tunnel, this will end up being a serious problem for some people, but I think the majority of us will be just fine.
(myself included)
With each new convenience that we manage to contrive for ourselves comes a whole new laundry list of complications and ailments and overblown health alerts by the media.
Everybody, please say hello to CELL PHONE ELBOW
Essentially, it's a cousin of carpal tunnel, only it lives at the other end of the fore arm.
Who among us hasn't spent a little too long on their phone with an old friend catching up, and noticed a bit of stiffness and/or discomfort in their elbow? I know I've done it a time or two. But if I know I'm going to be on for a long while, I usually I have the foresight to plug in my hands free set.
Don't get me wrong, I recognize that, like carpal tunnel, this will end up being a serious problem for some people, but I think the majority of us will be just fine.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Ugh
I'm working too much. I'm tired all day, every day. I don't think very clearly lately. I'm clumsy. I'm forgetful. I'm occasionally very cranky. My occasional stutter has gotten worse. I have no energy for my own projects, let alone this blog. Most days go something like this: I get up, I go to work, I eat, I go to work, I eat again, I work some more, I go to sleep.
Once this global economic mess turns around, this schedule I'm on ends hard and fast. The mind-numbing part of it is, I'm not even really making that much money. If I could charge a decent rate, I'd be raking it in right now, paying my bills with plenty to spare. As it is I'm working my ass off, and just skating by.
I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm currently doing personal training IN THE CLIENTS' HOMES for $30 per visit.
Yeah, you read that right that's a three with one zero after it.
In Phoenix (in good times) I was charging double that MINIMUM, and it often was more than that. And that's just Phoenix. I was expecting to raise my rates when I moved here, but everyone's so damn gun-shy about spending right now, I didn't have much choice but to slash them down instead.
When you figure in my drive time, the cost of all the equipment that I bring, and the wear and tear on my car and gas, not to mention the IMMENSE convenience factor I'm offering to these people, $30 is chicken feed. Also, consider the cost of living here is pretty high. Just being here in this area is the largest factor in my overhead to think about.
I've been managing to juggle the last two weeks so I have one day off again, for now. We'll see how long that lasts.
Each time I start to feel a little overwhelmed by all this I start to hear the lyrics of a song from Avenue Q in my head... They sing about how everything in life is:
"...only for now! For NOW! ...only for now! For NOW!"
This too shall pass.
I'm working too much. I'm tired all day, every day. I don't think very clearly lately. I'm clumsy. I'm forgetful. I'm occasionally very cranky. My occasional stutter has gotten worse. I have no energy for my own projects, let alone this blog. Most days go something like this: I get up, I go to work, I eat, I go to work, I eat again, I work some more, I go to sleep.
Once this global economic mess turns around, this schedule I'm on ends hard and fast. The mind-numbing part of it is, I'm not even really making that much money. If I could charge a decent rate, I'd be raking it in right now, paying my bills with plenty to spare. As it is I'm working my ass off, and just skating by.
I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm currently doing personal training IN THE CLIENTS' HOMES for $30 per visit.
Yeah, you read that right that's a three with one zero after it.
In Phoenix (in good times) I was charging double that MINIMUM, and it often was more than that. And that's just Phoenix. I was expecting to raise my rates when I moved here, but everyone's so damn gun-shy about spending right now, I didn't have much choice but to slash them down instead.
When you figure in my drive time, the cost of all the equipment that I bring, and the wear and tear on my car and gas, not to mention the IMMENSE convenience factor I'm offering to these people, $30 is chicken feed. Also, consider the cost of living here is pretty high. Just being here in this area is the largest factor in my overhead to think about.
I've been managing to juggle the last two weeks so I have one day off again, for now. We'll see how long that lasts.
Each time I start to feel a little overwhelmed by all this I start to hear the lyrics of a song from Avenue Q in my head... They sing about how everything in life is:
"...only for now! For NOW! ...only for now! For NOW!"
This too shall pass.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
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