Poop Shute

It's a very good feeling when you can show yourself that you are stronger than you thought.

You may or may not recall, that I used to be a BIG gambler. I would drive up to Vegas two to three times a year and play craps like a fiend. I would win exactly $300 every time. No more, no less. It was strange too, that it was always the same amount, because my strategy was to pocket the larger chips when they came my way, and just play the smaller ones until they were gone, or until somebody hit a HUGE roll. So, I never knew exactly how much I had until after I walked away.

Anyway, last year I went to Vegas twice and lost about $100 each time. This was so shocking, and unpleasent that I vowed to quit while I was ahead, and not slowly give back all the money I had walked away with over the years.

This past Sunday through yesterday we three were in Vegas, and I didn't gamble at all. I didn't even really want to. The fun wore off once I started giving my money away. What was once a thrilling adrenaline rush had become a nervous tension in the pit of my stomach. Now that I had a healthy fear of losing, I just plain didn't want to.

Instead, we just wandered around having our own fun. We spent time goofing around in M&M World, we went horse-back riding, we went swimming, we had some really good food, and some really good... private fun. :-)

Treasure Island Sucks My Ass

One thing I did not enjoy at all was the new pirate show at Treasure Island. Anybody remember the old pirate show? It was awesome. A band of cheesey pirates take on a British Imperial Frigate and sink her in a fire fight! So cool!

Some marketing genious decided to change all that. Now the show is called "The Sirens Of T.I." They have fired most of the pirate/imperials cast and hired a bunch of hot chicks in lingerie. Now, the former pirate ship is The Sirens ship. The Sirens sing and dance and tempt the pirates, who are sailing "The Bull" (formerly the former British ship), into a fight. If that doesn't sound lame, just know that repeatedly, and for no apparent reason, The Sirens bust into Moulin Rouge-esque musical numbers that don't make any sense. EVEN worse than that, they somehow magically sink the pirate ship with one of these ridiculous dance numbers. That's right, they never fire a shot, they dance the ship to death. WHAT?! And then after The Bull is sunk the pirates climb onto the Sirens' ship and do a dance number of their own. THEN, after all that, the pirate captain goes to have sex with the Sirens captain. WHAT?!?! WHY?!?!

I stood there through the whole thing with a confused and frustrated look. It was gratifying when there was only scattered applause and similar looks all around me. The show sucks and everyone knew it. Near the end of it, I also noticed that the pier that the audience stands on wasn't nearly as packed as it always used to be for that show. Word is spreading maybe.

It seems like they are trying to do away with their family-fun image, and be a sexier, grown-up casino. For example they also ditched the giant skull-n-crossbones sign in favor of a very clean lined, bright yellow "T.I." sign. It's like they want to distance themselves from their own name. The show itself even had lines of dialogue aimed to the audience that said things like "You looking for the arcade? Well, there isn't one anymore! This is an adult candystore!" That, and the liberaling peppering of sexual jokes in the show practically spell out to the audience "HEY, we don't want your f**king kids here! Got it?" I hope someone changes it back before it's too late. The folly in this step is that statistics show that an overwhelming majority of revenue in Vegas is made from families of tourists, not hornball fratboys, like this show attracts. They are cropping out a significant demographic with this new step. Stupid.

Hmmm. T.I. ....? Total Idiocy. Terrific Ineptitude. Temporary Insanity.

COMMENTS

It's like halfway through they forgot that Treasure Island was about pirates.
I'm not the biggest fan of vegas, but jesus christ I have no plans to go to Treasure Island.
Besides, an adult candystore? That would be just a nasty place that sells hard candy in the shape of penises.
therealdavid 08.26.05 - 1:40 am

What a strange thing to say. I mean, how could you forget the vagina and breast shaped hard candies, D?
Sheesh, this is the 21st century now, man.
Joey 08.26.05 - 5:13 am

Breast shaped candies better not be hard, dammit. They should be gummy. The sugar-free breast shaped candies can be hard, because they're fake candy.
Josh 08.26.05 - 3:53 pm

"THEN, after all that, the pirate captain goes to have sex with the Sirens captain. WHAT?!?! WHY?!?!"
You have to admit, it does sound pretty typical for a porno plot.
Edward Carter 08.26.05 - 9:09 pm

PRECISELY, ED! It definitely does. And that is what is wrong with the show. It is not even thinly-veiled either, it is an outright cabaret show with the tiniest hint of pirate flavor.
It's a pirate show as much as a margarita is a fruit drink.
Joey 09.01.05 - 5:24 am