Poop Shute

Part VII

Then I wrote...

"AAAAIIGGGHH" screamed the vampire mess guy in what Noel guessed was the voice of yet another personality. This one sounded a little effeminate and had a sibilint "s".
"Oh my god, we're all gonna die!" he yelped.
"You're a vampire, you're UNdead. You can't die." Noel pointed out, trying not to sound irritated.
"How dare you!" exclaimed the vampire. He slapped her neatly across the face and leaped off Noel's stomach over the side of the web and vanished from sight.

At this point Noel wasn't sure if she should feel relieved to be rid of a vampire, or even more frightended that she was now alone against the giant spider. She again tried to struggle but found that just got her tangled up worse. The spider continued to crawl slowly towards her, drool running down it's sharp mandibles and an eerie glow coming from it's many eyes. Closer and closer it came. Noel had no clue how she was getting out of this one. All her bathroom tools had long since been expended, and even if she had anything else hidden in her tattered rags it wouldn't do her any good as her arms and legs were pinned to sticky webbing. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, newly resigned to her gruesome fate. She supposed every fair ninja princess
chick had to go some time. It was a good run. The spider was nearly on her now, she could feel the heat of it's nasty spider breath on her face. The bottom of a spider leg landed on her arm and she heard a most puzzling thing:
"Tag, your it." said the spider in a voice that sounded like a five-year-old human boy.
"Excuse me?" she asked reeling from hearing a spider talk. She had seen dragons, and ogres, and magic, but never a talking spider.
"I said: tag, your it." he repeated as he sliced Noel free of her sticky bonds and stood her up on the nearest tree branch.
"You're... you're just a kid?"
"Yup. my mommy isn't here right now, but she'll be back. Until then we can play."
"What happens when she gets back?"
"We eat you, silly."
"Right."
Ok, great. The spider boy had bought her some time, and freed her. She didn't have any idea how much time, and she knew she couldn't out-run or out-fight the spider and she didn't know how much time she had, so she'd have to out-smart him, and she'd have to do it fast. Her keen mind was whipping through several different scenarios to find the best one when suddenly her vampire friend came leaping back over the side of the web.
"Don't worry at all, ma'am. I'm here to send this spider a' packin'. So, how about it partner, you wanna fight?" said the vampire in yet another new voice... Was that, John Wayne?
"No, wait, he's--" she was about to say he's just a boy, but then remembered that he just informed her she was dinner.
"He's what, ma'am?"
"Nevermind."
The vampire nodded a polite nod to our heroine, and tipped the brim of an imaginary hat, and turned back to his prey. With the unnatural grace of a vampire he leaped onto the spider's back and began raining blows down on the back of the spider's head. There was much grunting
and screaming coming from the two. Noel used this as her oppotunity to vamoose out of there. She ran down several long branches until she found a very tall, very solid wall of dead twigs and whatnot and climbed over to the other side. From here she watched the fight from safety. By the time she started watching again it wasn't pretty. Our vampire friend had one arm pinned to his side by a large glob of webbing, and the spider had several eyes swollen shut from being punched. They were circling each other, wary of the other's next move. Taunts and jibes were tossed back and forth between the two, some were barely audible and others were shouted with great volume. Because of the fight it took Noel a bit to notice that the wall of twigs she was sitting on began to rythmically vibrate. It was a rythmic thumping that reminded her of that movie Jurassic Park that she watched on the magic mirror last week. Thud! Thud! Thud!
It was getting louder... and closer. And it was behind her! She turned around just in time to see a giant bird coming towards her, but it was looking over her at the fight on the spider web. It was a very large and very ridiculous looking bird. When I say large, I actually mean tall, but it was very skinny. It's plummage on it's head was in a very old fashion hairstyle, and it was wearing glasses. Luckily it hadn't seen Noel yet. As it got nearer to where Noel was hiding behind her twig wall, Noel looked just below the bird and made a horrifying realization. The wall of twigs was in a complete circle, all around her and contained several giant eggs.
Sigh. Out of a giant spider's nest and into a giant bird's nest. Great.
The giant bird towering over her opened it's silly looking beak and bellowed down at the vampire and spider's fight:
"CALM IT THE HELL DOWN OR TAKE IT THE HELL OUT OF MY TREE!!!"
Noel took her chance while the bird was distracted and jumped back over the side of the nest and into the air again. Again our nimble heroine found herself plummeting towards the earth at break-neck speed. She figured she was safer this way. I mean, she had in fact just managed to survive just such a trip only minutes before. She figured she'd take her chances with gravity over giant animals in a giant forrest any day. Lucky for her this is where the lost boys re-enter our story. Three of them swooped by, and saw our princess on her way down. Thank goodness
they always carry a bit of extra fairy dust for just such an occasion. As soon as the dust hit her Noel knew exactly what to do. Think of a happy thought. Kicking their asses for shooting her leapt to mind and she abruptly stopped falling.
"Sorry about the arrow, eh? You alright?"
Princess Noel grumbled something at them and sped off. They had saved her, so they would be spared an ass-whooping, but they did still shoot her, so manners were not called for either.
She found herself a nice quiet corner of the forrest where there were no giant animals to bother her and landed a moment for a rest. She only intended on sitting for a moment, but exhaustion got the better of her and she drifted off to sleep on a bed of leaves. After the day Noel had been having she knew she couldn't fight off this bout of sleepiness, she just hoped that nothing bothered her while she was out cold.

TO BE CONTINUED...

COMMENTS

way to work real life in there...:D
Meg 06.06.05 - 5:46 pm

Note to our readers:

Every piece of this so far has had at least a few (sometines more) pieces of thinly-veiled real life in them...

some not veiled at all, like this one.
Joey & Noel 06.07.05 - 6:53 am