Poop Shute

Part VI

...then Noel wrote...

Being that the dragon had flown very very very high, Princess
Noel had more time to think than she had anticipated. As she rapidly
began to pick up speed, she started to panic and couldn't think of
anything else to do but spread out her arms and pretend that she was
flying. Now, since Noel's clothes had become rather torn and tattered
in the battle with the Wicked Witch of Ohio, the shredded pieces hung
off her and whipped violently around her, making her seem to be just a
speeding ball of color. Some Lost Boys, who happened to be out hunting
Injuns, spotted her and thought her to be a great bird. Thinking that
this large, exotic bird would be an impressive sacrifice to their
fearless leader, Peter Pan, they immediatly pulled out their bows and
slingshots and began to fire at the Princess. Noel was startled out of
her resigned state by an arrow that ripped its way through her
shoulder. Gasping from the shock and pain, she looked around wildly for
what was attacking her and spotted the pack of boys. "I always heard
that those Lost Boys were nothing but trouble. Ugh! If I live through
this, I'm going to kick their asses!" she thought.
But alas, it didn't look as if there was any way that Princess
Noel was going to make it after this extremely long and ghastly fall.
As she neared the ground, she braced herself for the impact, closing
her eye's tightly and holding her bleeding shoulder hard. Fifteen
second's later she realized that she was, in fact, not *splat* on the
ground. Extremely perplexed, Princess Noel looked around her and found
that she was trapped in what appeared to be an enormous spider web.
Thinking that this was almost worse than being *splat* on the ground,
she groaned and layed very still, trying not to make too much movement
that might attract whatever had woven this elaborate web, and also,
resting to regain her strength and think of a plan to get out of this
mess. Trying to ignore the pain in her shoulder, Noel tried to pull her
leg loose from the sticky thread, but it seemed to be useless. Now,
this Princess was not one for giving up unless there was absolutely and
positively no hope whatsoever, but since tumbling out of the dragon's
mouth, she had began to lose her optimism.
It was starting to get dark and she still hadn't thought of any
way to escape the web and she was fighting hard to stay awake, afraid
of what might happen if she were to fall into unconsciousness.
Suddenly, she heard flapping wings and squeaking noises. "Birds? What
the hell are birds doing awake now?" she wondered. Just then, a bat
flew out of the trees and hit her in the head, bouncing off her skull
and landing on her stomach. She stared at the winged furball that sat
on her stomach and it stared back. The two stayed like this for a good
five minutes until the bat worked up enough nerve to say, "Excuse me,
but do you know which way it is to the giant pomagranate tree?"
Princess Noel was surprised that this bat seemed to be talking to her
and she quickly noticed the glowing red eyes of the little beast and
recognized what this was. She had heard of vampires before, but never
imagined that they actually existed. She was amazed at this realization
until she remembered what she had heard about vampires. This sent her
into a sudden internal panic, but seeing as the bat was still staring
at her, looking kind of cute even, she thought it best not to show her
fear. So she tossed her hair defiantly and said, "No, I do not. And
anyway, what is a vampire doing going to a fruit tree?"
"Oh...you can tell, huh?"
"That you're a vampire? Yes. But that still doesn't answer my
question."
"Right. Well, see, I'm sort of a vegetarian."
"A vegetarian vampire?" she asked as she started laughing, only to
be quickly reminded of the pain in shoulder and groan.
"Yeah...so?" but smelling the blood leaking off of her shoulder, the
bat's eyes began to glow and Noel cursed herself for having laughed and
reopened the wound. At this point, the bat disappeared into an
explosion of flame and smoke and Princess Noel found herself underfoot
of a young, and very attractive looking man. She yelped in surprise and
then began to writhe, as soon as she saw his fangs, in an attempt to
throw him off balance so that he fell into the web as well, but it was
no use. He stood there, perfectly alighted on her stomach, and not at
all heavy, she noticed. Just then, his glowing blood red eyes faded and
she heard him struggling to speak until suddenly he shouted in a deep
booming voice, "Oh, shut up! I can hardly think with the two of you
bickering like this!"
The Princess was wondering what the hell he was talking about when
he continued to speak, this time, in a small batty voice, as before
when he was the furry little creature. "Well, we can't eat her. We said
we'd stop all of this bloody insanity and just stick to the pomegranate
substitute. Do you remember what happened last time we bit someone?"
"YES! It was delicious!" said another voice, the one which matched
the young man she had seen, she supposed.
"No, no, no...he's right. We can't eat her," came the booming voice
again.
Then the man/bat/whatever began to convulse until Noel shouted,
"What the hell is going on?!"
"Oh," said the bat voice, "we've been told we're schitzophrenic."
"I see," said the Princess, pondering this. Upon consideration, she
had decided that it was better to get rid of him or them or whatever
and not take any chances, and so began to wiggle again. All of a
sudden, on the opposite side of the web, eight great yellow eyes lit up
and a pair of large white fangs glinted in the moonlight, and the web
began to shake as the eyes and teeth grew closer. The
bat/man/vampire/whatever aka: schitzophrenic mess, and the Princess
both gaped at this massive monster that grew closer and closer with
each passing second.

To be continued...