Poop Shute

The Fairy Tale Continues

Part VIII

..Then Noel wrote...

After a very long (11 hours about) rest, the Princess was rudely awakened by a set of razor sharp claws sinking their way into her butt. She whipped around immediately but saw nothing. What in the hell? She knew she couldn't have imagined it because of the pain in her ass but she squinted and squinted through the dark and could just barely make out something very small hopping around in the bushes. The shadow bounced here and there and disappeared under a bush but Noel could see two blue-green glowing dots peering at her. She began to crawl towards the small beast, grabbing a branch that was nearby as she went, and lowered herself down to look under the bush. At this point one tiny little paw shot out from the bush and the razor claws raked her across her nose.
"AAAArg! Damnit!!! What in the hell was that?"
"That," said a small batty voice, "is the demon monster Marvin. You don't want to tangle with that thing... seriously."
Noel wheeled around to find her vampire bat friend sitting on top of a large rock nearby munching on a juicy ripe pomegranate. She hadn't even noticed him until now, but was strangely glad to see him and only hoped that the wicked side of him would be kept in check by John Wayne, the booming voice, and the tiny batty voice.
"Are you serious?" Princess Noel asked the bat. "That thing seems pretty small to me. Granted he did put a good set of claw marks on my nose and butt, but that's nothing compared to what I've been through in the last few days. Speaking of which, how did you get away from the spider nest?"
"Oh, we just poofed back into my bat self and flew off into the night. Oh, by the way, we brought you some pomegranates. Thought you might be hungry after all that fighting and falling and flying and whatnot."
"Really? Thank you! I'm starving!" Noel said as she cautiously turned away from the dark bushes and moved toward the rock. " So, seriously, this little pain in my ass is supposed to be some crazy demon thing?"
"Oh yeah! Absolutely. It just fell out of the sky one night and we haven't been able to get rid of it since. It doesn't really wreak havoc until the night time, so it's not a huge issue."
"What about people who are trying to sleep?"
The bat burst into laughter at this apparently absurd thought. The Princess was annoyed by this behavior, thinking her question to be perfectly valid.
"They don't." said the bat, continuing to giggle to himself.
At that moment, Noel's foot, which had been hanging over the side of the rock, was brutally attacked by a multitude of claws and teeth, but by the time Princess Noel looked down at her foot, the thing was gone again. Cursing this demonmartian thingy, Noel turned back to her meal and tried to get information from the bat about escaping the enormous woods.
"Oh, it's not all that hard," said the bat. "All you have to do is follow the Yellow Brick Road."
"Oh... of course..."
"You'll probably want to get out of here as soon as possible because an awfully mean witch owns this dark forest and she's on the hunt for something ruby red that she keeps rambling about. Better hide those pomegranates when you set off. Also, you'll want to get out before having to spend another night fending off the demon Marvin."
"Oh god, that thing is just ridiculous. I haven't even seen it yet, but it doesn't seem all that bad."
"Whatever you say," said the bat while yawning. "We should probably get some sleep before tomorrow."
"We?"
"Well yeah, I have to make sure you don't get eaten," reasoned the bat.
"I'll be fine. Besides, won't you just *poof* yourself into a pile of ashes anyway in the morning?"
"That's why you're going to carry me in your bag."
"What bag? I don't see any bag. I don't know why on earth I would have a bag when I'm barely even clothed anymore."
"Oh yeah, I guess we'll have to do something about that," observed the bat. He sat on the rock and thought a minute, rather reminding the Princess Noel of Pooh, and then jumped up with victory. "I've got it! All we need to do is find which tree it is. Somewhere around here..." the bat trailed off as he began to fly straight into several trees. Noel wondered how on earth he had not been smushed by this point, but continued to watch the bat slam into the trunk of a few more trees before, finally, one of the trees just sucked him in. The Princess was horrified having just seen her only companion eaten by a tree. She stared at the tree in shock and then, the bat flew back out of the tree. "Ok, it's this one. Come over here and get John Wayne's snakeskin hat and I'll just sleep under the hat until it gets dark again." Noel walked over to the tree and slowly pushed her hand through the bark and pulling out something of a hat that was apparently hidden in this strange tree.
"Holy s**t... that was weird."
"Yup, now go to sleep. And put that hat over me. I've got to wake up before morning.

The next day the two set out for their adventure out of the dark forest. While following the Yellow Brick Road, Princess Noel was accosted several times by the Demon Marvin and barely caught glimpses of the apparently Tasmanian beast. After about the 13th time, Noel about lost it and just yelled at the top of her lungs. "I am going to KILL that thing!!!"
Having heard the Princess's familiar threats, a small search party nearby came running through the thicket to find Noel sitting on the ground looking rather annoyed and talking to herself. (She was really talking to the bat, but they didn't know that.)
"Princess Noel?!"
"Oh my god, how did you find me? Did you bring the horses, can I just go home now?" she eagerly asked the guard.
"Well see, here's the thing," started the guard (Noel didn't like the sound of this already) "We're not really here."
"Well of course you are, I'm standing here staring at you."
"Well... yes... technically. But, you see, the teleporting spell that brought us here expires in about... 3 minutes."
"Well shit! What am I supposed to do now?"
"Since we know where you are, we can begin to send out guards in your specific direction who will meet you along the road as soon as possible."
"Ok, fine. But I still have the problem of the witch who owns this forest."
As she said this the guards began to glance around nervously.
"I ran into a witch once... she turned me into a newt." (suspicious glance from the other guards) "...well I got better!"
"Also, I have this Marvin Demon thing following me and guerrilla-style attacking me."
"I can help you with that," came a voice from the middle of the crowd. Out of the mass emerged a woman who was really quite lovely and who looked strangely familiar to the Princess but she couldn't quite place how or from where. The woman walked up to Noel and dropped a small bottle of liquid into her hands.
"What is this?"
"Herbal sedatives. Three drops will knock that thing out cold... give him five. The only thing is getting him to eat the stuff."
"No problem," remarked the Princess. "Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?"
"Don't you recognize me? I'm the one whom you tied for the title of "fairest" with, my friend."
"Oh yes! I knew you looked familiar."
At this point the crowd began to shimmer and fade.
"We'll send someone as soon as we can your highness!" shouted a guard as his voice echoed off.
Okey dokey, thought Noel. I can handle this... and then she heard it. That now very familiar sound that made the Princess' ears prick up and listen closely from whence the purring noise came. Much like the croc who swallowed the clock, this noise meant the approaching of the Demon Marvin, only apparently he had swallowed a motor. Princess Noel glanced around cautiously and the purring stopped. I don't like this, she thought. It's far too quiet. Then, out of a bush, came something flying towards her thrashing madly in the air. Noel had no idea what to do and so stuck out her hand only to have teeth sink into it.

Dun dun duuuuuun...
To be continued.