Poop Shute

Part III

...then I wrote...

The hideous beast let loose a bellow that rattled the Witch's finely
crafted chandeliers, and then strangely it seemed to carefully hide an
effeminate snicker. You see it's a little know fact in The FarOff
Lands that Princess Noel of The Land Of Poop is actually the great
great great grand-daughter of Glinda The Good Witch Of Chicago. Noel's
skills couldn't compare to her formidable ancestor's, but she still
had a few tricks up her sleeve.
Princess Noel's spellbook was limited. She had a spell for a mean
scrambled eggs, a palatable spaghetti, and a spell of Hideous
Illusions. That last spell, while useless in the kitchen, just may
have saved her here.
The thing about the Hideous Illusions spell is it needs the basic
elements of Hideousness to enhance, and Noel, being tied for fairest
in the land, is hardly hideous. Hence the gaudy costume that made the
guards shrug. In the confines of her tiny, cramped tower cell she had
little materials to work with. What she did have was a fully equipped
bathroom. She strapped the two toilet plungers onto the sides of her
head, wrapped her calves in leg-warmers made from toilet paper, and
for the finishing touches of tattered clothes she had to use that
dress. The most beautful dress she had ever seen. Tears streamed down
her cheeks as she shredded the garment into a loincloth and halter.
...mmmmm....
Ahem, sorry, the narrarator got a bit distracted there... mmmmm....
Ahem.
As soon as she was in place in her few precious seconds of blackout
she said the handful of magic words that would activate her bathroom
ogre costume into a full-fledged, yelling, angry, poo-flinging ogre.
"Hideo illusinonous poopus magicus, OLE!"
Which brings us back to where we left off.
With the rise of the curtain some guests fled for the doors, others
were locked into their seats like deer in headlights. Fear and outrage
were warring for dominance in the Witch's mind. Fear had outrage at a
disadvantage, it had taken the high ground in a superb imitation of
General Ulysses S. Grant's strategy at Flopper Hill. Just when it
looked like fear had outrage by the balls, outrage called for
reinforcements and outflanked fear. Fear was captured, stripped of
rank, and sent into exile.
Her outrage having taken hold the Witch leapt from her seat and
leveled her wand squarely at the Noel/ogre. Noel expected this, and
bowled over the Witch before she had time to utter any magic words,
knocking the wand from her hands.
Now the Witch was staring down a snarling, angry ogre and she was
unarmed! it would appear that the Witch's fear saw it's opening and
caught outrage offguard and had it locked in the brig. The Witch began
to tremble, and was just about to turn tail and run when some thing
strange happened. Suddenly and without warning one of the ogres ears
fell off.
"Crap" Princess Noel thought. Her costume was only designed to scare
people off so she could sneak away, she hadn't expected the necessity
of tackling the Witch and the wear and tear was taking it's toll. The
"ear" that the Witch saw was actually the left plunger. Just then the
skin of the ogre's right leg began to sag and slide down , much to the
Witch's abject horror and confusion. No time to waste, Noel had to act
fast.
"RAARGH" she bellowed in her best ogre voice, and shoved the Witch
aside and began running for the door. Unfortunately for Princess Noel,
she hadn't been sleeping enough lately (what with all the
costume-making late at night) and her catlike grace had been failing
her. As she made her flight for the door she tripped and face-planted
about three yards away. The impact caused what was left of the costume
to erupt in a shower of fairy dust. The illusion shattered, our
heroine was left panting and barely clothed at the feet of her captor.
...mmmmmm....
Ahem. It was then that outrage made it's final grab for power in the
Witch and had fear executed alltogether. It had brought a friend this
time: seething fury.
"GUARDS!! SEIZE HER!!"
...After a long moment the Witch and Noel realized that no guards were
coming. The sight of their liege lady being trampled by a slobbering
ogre apparently cleared the room. It was just The Witch and The
Princess, mano a mano... or womano a womano as it were...

DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAA!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...