Someone mentioned to me at dinner tonight that I should take a look at a speech that Conan O'Brien gave at the Harvard graduation in 2000. So I did.
Check it out HERE. Great read. Wise and funny as hell. Double threat.
**********************************
11:30 am
Happy Day Of Arbitrarily Chosen Symbolic Traditions
Nothing says Jesus likes white bunnies that lay multicolored eggs in your back yard on sunday morning. No sir.
COMMENTS:
Didn't Jesus ask his followers to eat chocolate bunnies after the body and blood stuff?
PETER 04.16.06 - 2:55 pm
Do they do the whole Easter egg thing in Italy, Spain, and Greece?
Edward Carter 04.16.06 - 4:15 pm
What "they" don't want you to know is that Jesus is the father of all those eggs, and by finding and eating them, you are consuming a piece of the Holy Spirit. It's all in the Bible.
Josh 04.16.06 - 8:29 pm
Ed:
The "whole easter thing" meaning the bunnies and eggs and whatnot? That I do not know. I would imagine yes, but I couldn't say. Why do you ask? And why those three countries?
Joey 04.17.06 - 4:21 am
Northern European pre-Christian paganism had a goddess name Ostara or something like that whose festival was around the time of modern-day Easter. She was associated with bunnies and eggs. So, while Spain, Italy, and Greece celebrate Easter, it would stand to reason that they don't go around hiding eggs.
Edward Carter 04.17.06 - 12:09 pm
Thumbs-up to Germanic fertility rituals, and their subsequent co-opting by Christianity! Christmas trees anybody?
Josh 04.17.06 - 4:41 pm
Well, Ed, I am aware of those traditions you mention, but those practises didn't originate in America either, and we have the egg and bunny traditions here. I think it would stand to reason that they could have them by now as well. But, like i said, I have no idea.
Joey 04.17.06 - 6:45 pm
I guess Southern Europe might have it now, too. It's hard to overestimate the awesome power and worldwide reach of American consumer culture.
Yesterday when I was eating lunch, these two girls I know came up to me to say hi. The first one said, "Happy Easter," and the second one said, "Merry Easter." I told the second one that it's "happy" when you're talking about Easter and only freaks would say "Merry Easter."
Have you ever heard the phrase "Merry Easter" before?
Edward Carter 04.17.06 - 7:19 pm
Ed, no fertility ritual, no matter how chocolately, is going to be able to help you if that's how you talk to girls.
Guillermo 04.17.06 - 9:10 pm
:-(
Edward Carter 04.17.06 - 10:51 pm
Merry Easter B*tches!! ahahahaha It's Joey Moore!! The Pinkness!!
ahahaha
mulk 04.18.06 - 12:38 pm
Germany gets claim for Christmas trees too Josh! Don't you feel so proud of your heritage?
Jess 04.19.06 - 8:33 pm
I know. That's why I said "Germanic"
Josh 04.19.06 - 8:48 pm
Does it really matter, Ed, which positive adjective you stick in front?
Happy Easter
Merry Easter
Spunky Easter
They all work for me. :-)
Joey 04.20.06 - 2:23 am
Happy rebirthday to you
Happy rebirthday to you
Happy rebirthday dear Jesus
Happy rebirthday to you
Josh 04.20.06 - 4:24 pm
Fight Censorship on Joey Moores Blog today!! See my blog for more details..
mulk 04.20.06 - 4:57 pm
I can only assume that the Censorship thing is in reference to the fact that I didn't save your comment into the original post. Take a look now.
Allright, there, I uncensored you. For the record, the only reason I originally left your comment off is because your comments don't tend to actually say anything intelligible. It's not so much censoring your content as your lack there of.
Joey 04.21.06 - 11:43 am
tigger please, next time ask, my comments make perfect sense to me, myself and I. try saying them outloud as I was obviously wishing you a good time on your Easter albiet late.
godspeed
p.s. My other post should now make more sense.
mulk 04.21.06 - 9:28 pm
Thursday, April 13, 2006
On ONEGOODMOVE this week I found a link to this JEFF WRIGHT.
He was discussing this elaborate prank called THE WAR ON EASTER. Essentially some atheists who have WAY too much time on their hands have made it their mission to take DVD copies of a documentary that is none too flattering to Christianity and hide them in churches and church yards all over the country. The idea is to parallel the absurd tradition of hiding eggs around the church and/or the home for children to find.
Anyway, it just made me laugh that these Christian guys got so riled up by such a childish waste of time. They went on to describe this prank as indicative of the "persecution" they suffer in this country and so on. Persecution? Are they serious? So I had to comment a little sum-sumthin'. What can I say, I like to stir up the sh*t. The following can be found on the above linked blog (jeff wright) on the April 10th post.
For the record, I think the 666 DVD is just plain silly, and more than likely won't happen. It was probably one of those internet jokes you see floating around all the time, Some call it spam.
BUT I also think that any Christian who thinks that they are persecuted in this country is seeing dragons where windmills stand.
There are just plain more of you. Your political party OWNS the federal government at the moment, so when people disagree with your beliefs and/or plan elaborate practical jokes involving hidden DVD's you'd think you could laugh it off.
Why do you folks feel so threatened all the time? It's bizarre.
Obviously, when I first read their description of the prank I thought it was just a spam joke. I found out later that it's VERY real. The WAR link above is the blog associated with the whole thing. It just strikes me as so dumb, and to think that the guys doing it are probably getting a big self-righteous kick out of it. My comment, by the way, illicited a number of irate and very defensive replies. Again, it just makes me laugh.
Anyway, since asking the question at the end of the comment about them feeling so threatened, I have found an answer in the form of SIX FEET UNDER. There's a scene near the end of the final season where Claire is having a personal crisis about her career as a photographer. Her aunt point-blank says to her "Maybe you're just not an artist."
Claire gets very upset at this and cries a little. The aunt, totally non-plussed, presses on. I'm paraphrasing, but essentially she says that maybe Claire's intense emotional response is evidence that she really isn't an artist. The idea being that if Claire really was an artist then someone saying the phrase "maybe you're just not an artist" to her would be absurd. She should be able to laugh it off. It would be equally as absurd as if they were to say "maybe you're just a toaster oven."
See what I'm getting at Bible Folks? It's like homophobes who turn out to be closet gays. Who are you really trying to convince with your righteous anger? Me or you?
COMMENTS:
I'd also like to point out my CLEAR error in my reprinted comment. I make an assumption that the guy is from the newly named Neoconservative camp.
Not all Christians are neocons...
but all neocons are Christians.
Joey 04.13.06 - 4:57 am
That's a joke too, btw. So no correcting me about the differences between fiscal this and social that. This means you, Ed. But I love you anyway.
Joey 04.13.06 - 4:58 am
It's funny how someone who replied to you cited the fact that the Patriot Act and the Bush tax cuts have not been made permanent as evidence of the political marginalization of Christians. Edward Carter 04.13.06 - 10:43 am
haha
Simon 04.13.06 - 1:07 pm
Do you know how funny it is that you persist with your mistaken assertion that anyone at my blog reacted to your comments in a defensive manner.
You can't get that from my original post or the comments. In the original I wrote:
"When one contemplates the brash nonsense embodied in this effort one is also led to offer a little chuckle. Sure - fanatical DVD's planted like easter eggs are going to rock the Church, an institution sustained by God for 2000 years +. Jewish persecution couldn't bring it down. Insane Roman emperors failed to prevent it's spread. Now DVD's hidden on church property will shake it’s foundation? Sorry."
That's not defensive or riled up, it's making fun of a stupid idea.
Furthermore, I clarified this in the comments:
The point of this post was to show the stupidity of this idea, both from the perspective of the mentality behind it and the desired end, not communicate some perception of persecution on behalf of the Christian community.
Please note the last paragraph of my post...(where I quoted the above.
There is just no way to construe this as reactionary or defensive. I was calling this "war on easter" a joke and irrelevent to Christianity the whole time.
Jeff Wright 04.13.06 - 6:27 pm
...um... okee dokee.
You are correct, YOU weren't riled up. Then I guess I wasn't talking about you, was I? There were more than a few peeps in your comments that were waging a little battle of words there. I meant them.
Also, I apologize sincerely for naming the link NutJob. That was very disrespectful and I'm going to change it right now. Sorry. Honestly.
One last thought, your long-winded reply seems to be proving my final point. Just a thought.
Joey 04.14.06 - 12:14 am
Oh, Six Feet Under was so good. I really thought that was a powerful scene too, because we as "artists" are forced to reflect on that.
Ben Siemon 04.14.06 - 12:22 am
Also, Mr Wright, I feel the need to warn you that this is not generally a politically/religiously charged blog. I tend to just share things that I see/read/experience that I find amusing or worthwhile. By all means, continue to come and read and comment, but just know that there may not be a whole helluva lot of posts like this one that will raise debate. I point you towards the last few posts prior to this one as evidence.
Sorry again about the NutJob crack. Not one of my prouder moments there.
Joey 04.14.06 - 12:29 am
Perhaps you were wrong to say nutjob, but I am inspired to create a line of Peeps that will have...nuts. Together at last.
Thanks for the corn syrup tip.
Guillermo 04.14.06 - 2:33 am
Understandable. I appreciate the apology. It's not often that those who don't line up perfectly still choose to treat one another in a civil manner on the blogosphere. Thank you for taking the initiative to do so.
As to lenght of my reply, I simply chose to be thorough in order to demonstrate my post.
I understand the caution about further stops by this blog. I am interested in a wide range of subject matter so it is quite feasible that you'll be covering/commenting on issues I'd like to read about.
Anyway, nice looking blog. I'm glad we could come to some kind of understanding here. Thanks again for taking the initiative to restore some civility to the blogosphere. See you around.
Jeff Wright 04.14.06 - 2:17 pm
All too often in this day and age (especially on the trash they call "News" shows) you see people dismissing those they disagree with by using words like Nutjob. I'm realizing more and more as I get older that doing that isn't at all helpful. Even if I can't understand you're side of the issue enough to agree, I can understand you enough to argue intelligently, which is the least one owes anyone in a debate.
Although, I think we can all agree that Scientologists ARE just plain nutjobs. Right?
Joey 04.14.06 - 4:12 pm
He was discussing this elaborate prank called THE WAR ON EASTER. Essentially some atheists who have WAY too much time on their hands have made it their mission to take DVD copies of a documentary that is none too flattering to Christianity and hide them in churches and church yards all over the country. The idea is to parallel the absurd tradition of hiding eggs around the church and/or the home for children to find.
Anyway, it just made me laugh that these Christian guys got so riled up by such a childish waste of time. They went on to describe this prank as indicative of the "persecution" they suffer in this country and so on. Persecution? Are they serious? So I had to comment a little sum-sumthin'. What can I say, I like to stir up the sh*t. The following can be found on the above linked blog (jeff wright) on the April 10th post.
For the record, I think the 666 DVD is just plain silly, and more than likely won't happen. It was probably one of those internet jokes you see floating around all the time, Some call it spam.
BUT I also think that any Christian who thinks that they are persecuted in this country is seeing dragons where windmills stand.
There are just plain more of you. Your political party OWNS the federal government at the moment, so when people disagree with your beliefs and/or plan elaborate practical jokes involving hidden DVD's you'd think you could laugh it off.
Why do you folks feel so threatened all the time? It's bizarre.
Obviously, when I first read their description of the prank I thought it was just a spam joke. I found out later that it's VERY real. The WAR link above is the blog associated with the whole thing. It just strikes me as so dumb, and to think that the guys doing it are probably getting a big self-righteous kick out of it. My comment, by the way, illicited a number of irate and very defensive replies. Again, it just makes me laugh.
Anyway, since asking the question at the end of the comment about them feeling so threatened, I have found an answer in the form of SIX FEET UNDER. There's a scene near the end of the final season where Claire is having a personal crisis about her career as a photographer. Her aunt point-blank says to her "Maybe you're just not an artist."
Claire gets very upset at this and cries a little. The aunt, totally non-plussed, presses on. I'm paraphrasing, but essentially she says that maybe Claire's intense emotional response is evidence that she really isn't an artist. The idea being that if Claire really was an artist then someone saying the phrase "maybe you're just not an artist" to her would be absurd. She should be able to laugh it off. It would be equally as absurd as if they were to say "maybe you're just a toaster oven."
See what I'm getting at Bible Folks? It's like homophobes who turn out to be closet gays. Who are you really trying to convince with your righteous anger? Me or you?
COMMENTS:
I'd also like to point out my CLEAR error in my reprinted comment. I make an assumption that the guy is from the newly named Neoconservative camp.
Not all Christians are neocons...
but all neocons are Christians.
Joey 04.13.06 - 4:57 am
That's a joke too, btw. So no correcting me about the differences between fiscal this and social that. This means you, Ed. But I love you anyway.
Joey 04.13.06 - 4:58 am
It's funny how someone who replied to you cited the fact that the Patriot Act and the Bush tax cuts have not been made permanent as evidence of the political marginalization of Christians. Edward Carter 04.13.06 - 10:43 am
haha
Simon 04.13.06 - 1:07 pm
Do you know how funny it is that you persist with your mistaken assertion that anyone at my blog reacted to your comments in a defensive manner.
You can't get that from my original post or the comments. In the original I wrote:
"When one contemplates the brash nonsense embodied in this effort one is also led to offer a little chuckle. Sure - fanatical DVD's planted like easter eggs are going to rock the Church, an institution sustained by God for 2000 years +. Jewish persecution couldn't bring it down. Insane Roman emperors failed to prevent it's spread. Now DVD's hidden on church property will shake it’s foundation? Sorry."
That's not defensive or riled up, it's making fun of a stupid idea.
Furthermore, I clarified this in the comments:
The point of this post was to show the stupidity of this idea, both from the perspective of the mentality behind it and the desired end, not communicate some perception of persecution on behalf of the Christian community.
Please note the last paragraph of my post...(where I quoted the above.
There is just no way to construe this as reactionary or defensive. I was calling this "war on easter" a joke and irrelevent to Christianity the whole time.
Jeff Wright 04.13.06 - 6:27 pm
...um... okee dokee.
You are correct, YOU weren't riled up. Then I guess I wasn't talking about you, was I? There were more than a few peeps in your comments that were waging a little battle of words there. I meant them.
Also, I apologize sincerely for naming the link NutJob. That was very disrespectful and I'm going to change it right now. Sorry. Honestly.
One last thought, your long-winded reply seems to be proving my final point. Just a thought.
Joey 04.14.06 - 12:14 am
Oh, Six Feet Under was so good. I really thought that was a powerful scene too, because we as "artists" are forced to reflect on that.
Ben Siemon 04.14.06 - 12:22 am
Also, Mr Wright, I feel the need to warn you that this is not generally a politically/religiously charged blog. I tend to just share things that I see/read/experience that I find amusing or worthwhile. By all means, continue to come and read and comment, but just know that there may not be a whole helluva lot of posts like this one that will raise debate. I point you towards the last few posts prior to this one as evidence.
Sorry again about the NutJob crack. Not one of my prouder moments there.
Joey 04.14.06 - 12:29 am
Perhaps you were wrong to say nutjob, but I am inspired to create a line of Peeps that will have...nuts. Together at last.
Thanks for the corn syrup tip.
Guillermo 04.14.06 - 2:33 am
Understandable. I appreciate the apology. It's not often that those who don't line up perfectly still choose to treat one another in a civil manner on the blogosphere. Thank you for taking the initiative to do so.
As to lenght of my reply, I simply chose to be thorough in order to demonstrate my post.
I understand the caution about further stops by this blog. I am interested in a wide range of subject matter so it is quite feasible that you'll be covering/commenting on issues I'd like to read about.
Anyway, nice looking blog. I'm glad we could come to some kind of understanding here. Thanks again for taking the initiative to restore some civility to the blogosphere. See you around.
Jeff Wright 04.14.06 - 2:17 pm
All too often in this day and age (especially on the trash they call "News" shows) you see people dismissing those they disagree with by using words like Nutjob. I'm realizing more and more as I get older that doing that isn't at all helpful. Even if I can't understand you're side of the issue enough to agree, I can understand you enough to argue intelligently, which is the least one owes anyone in a debate.
Although, I think we can all agree that Scientologists ARE just plain nutjobs. Right?
Joey 04.14.06 - 4:12 pm
Monday, April 10, 2006
Let's play a game!!
So here is a picture.
Click on the comments link and leave the funniest caption to go with this picture and win a prize!*
And please, no "Four Foot Douche." That's been done... and it's too obvious. I mean, just look at him!
* Prize to be determined later. Level of funny of captions to be judged by a panel of monkeys flinging their poo at the screen. The caption that receives the fewest poop-flings wins. Offer valid in forty-nine states. Sorry Tennessee!
COMMENTS:
"I come before you all today to announce that I, Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth, am the long-sought reincarnation of the great L. Ron Hubbard. That little punk Stan's got nothin' on me."
Edward Carter 04.11.06 - 12:39 pm
Haha. Interesting.
Extra points for brevity.
Joey 04.11.06 - 5:59 pm
It's tough to think of a caption because the only one who can consistently out-crazy Tom Cruise has always been Tom Cruise.
Guillermo 04.12.06 - 1:46 am
Exactly, so why does it seem so hard to capitalize on that and be funny? Me included. I can't seem to come up with anything either.
30 readers per day, and Ed is the only one who will attempt it? As it stands right now, Ed wins by default.
Damn. This isn't working at all.
Joey 04.12.06 - 2:29 am
Where is this picture from, anyway? Does Tom Cruise actually give Scientology sermons?
Edward Carter 04.12.06 - 4:29 am
"When applying Preparation H cooling cream, use the index finger of the non-dominant hand. Use smooth, circular motions, and be careful not to gesticulate violently."
Beno 04.12.06 - 5:48 am
Beno, that's great, except that I don't think Scientologists believe in Preparation H cooling cream.
Edward Carter 04.12.06 - 10:39 am
I did not engage in sexual relations with that woman.
Vega 04.12.06 - 1:06 pm
Or any other, for that matter.
Vega 04.12.06 - 1:07 pm
Ed:
This picture was taken at the opening of a new church of scientology in Spain. He wasn't giving a sermon per se, but some kind of keynote address, I'm guessing.
Joey 04.12.06 - 7:42 pm
Four Score and seven thetans ago ...
Brian Y 04.12.06 - 9:00 pm
"Let me tell you about MY Dickon moment..."
Guillermo 04.12.06 - 9:11 pm
Sermon, keynote, whatever. I still want to see the transcript.
Edward Carter 04.13.06 - 12:11 am
"This mission just got a lot more impossible."
Peace Frog 04.13.06 - 12:40 am
"I need to ventilate my finger a bit. It's spent the last 27 minutes lodged firmly up David Miscavige's ass.
Was that out loud?"
Edward Carter 04.13.06 - 12:44 am
I am here to tell you that Godzilla is sitting on the toilet behind this curtain.
Mehmet 04.13.06 - 12:49 am
And so, by converting to Scientology you won't just worship a cross. You will worship a ninja cross.
Ben Siemon 04.14.06 - 12:25 am
So here is a picture.
Click on the comments link and leave the funniest caption to go with this picture and win a prize!*
And please, no "Four Foot Douche." That's been done... and it's too obvious. I mean, just look at him!
* Prize to be determined later. Level of funny of captions to be judged by a panel of monkeys flinging their poo at the screen. The caption that receives the fewest poop-flings wins. Offer valid in forty-nine states. Sorry Tennessee!
COMMENTS:
"I come before you all today to announce that I, Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth, am the long-sought reincarnation of the great L. Ron Hubbard. That little punk Stan's got nothin' on me."
Edward Carter 04.11.06 - 12:39 pm
Haha. Interesting.
Extra points for brevity.
Joey 04.11.06 - 5:59 pm
It's tough to think of a caption because the only one who can consistently out-crazy Tom Cruise has always been Tom Cruise.
Guillermo 04.12.06 - 1:46 am
Exactly, so why does it seem so hard to capitalize on that and be funny? Me included. I can't seem to come up with anything either.
30 readers per day, and Ed is the only one who will attempt it? As it stands right now, Ed wins by default.
Damn. This isn't working at all.
Joey 04.12.06 - 2:29 am
Where is this picture from, anyway? Does Tom Cruise actually give Scientology sermons?
Edward Carter 04.12.06 - 4:29 am
"When applying Preparation H cooling cream, use the index finger of the non-dominant hand. Use smooth, circular motions, and be careful not to gesticulate violently."
Beno 04.12.06 - 5:48 am
Beno, that's great, except that I don't think Scientologists believe in Preparation H cooling cream.
Edward Carter 04.12.06 - 10:39 am
I did not engage in sexual relations with that woman.
Vega 04.12.06 - 1:06 pm
Or any other, for that matter.
Vega 04.12.06 - 1:07 pm
Ed:
This picture was taken at the opening of a new church of scientology in Spain. He wasn't giving a sermon per se, but some kind of keynote address, I'm guessing.
Joey 04.12.06 - 7:42 pm
Four Score and seven thetans ago ...
Brian Y 04.12.06 - 9:00 pm
"Let me tell you about MY Dickon moment..."
Guillermo 04.12.06 - 9:11 pm
Sermon, keynote, whatever. I still want to see the transcript.
Edward Carter 04.13.06 - 12:11 am
"This mission just got a lot more impossible."
Peace Frog 04.13.06 - 12:40 am
"I need to ventilate my finger a bit. It's spent the last 27 minutes lodged firmly up David Miscavige's ass.
Was that out loud?"
Edward Carter 04.13.06 - 12:44 am
I am here to tell you that Godzilla is sitting on the toilet behind this curtain.
Mehmet 04.13.06 - 12:49 am
And so, by converting to Scientology you won't just worship a cross. You will worship a ninja cross.
Ben Siemon 04.14.06 - 12:25 am
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I'm beside myself... kinda
About a month ago I got an email that appeared to be a mass email to a college class regarding some assignment or some such thing. I was confused, but deleted it without reply. Then I got a second one from the same professor, so I sent a clear and polite message that I was not one of his students and I'd appreciate him taking me off his list.
He responded with equal politeness, apologized and agreed to take me off. A couple days later I got another one, this time I looked through the list of email addresses to see if somebody I knew was on the list. I figured maybe I somehow ended up on a list with one of my friends that are still in college. I'm not sure how that would work, but it's all I could think of.
AH-HA! I found something pretty damn close to being me actually. There was a joeymoore AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk. I sent another email to the professor pointing out that I am not that guy, and he again apologized. But this time I got a pleasent surprise. The teacher must have mentioned me to the other Joey, because I got a very short email from him as well.
"Haha. You have my name. Haha."
I have a new penpal! The funniest part of the coincidence is that I happen to find someone with my name in the same week that all my coworkers are teasing me by naming everything after me. The vain actor ego in me is loving all of this.
After a few messages back and forth, I jokingly pointed out that he actually has my name, and not the vice versa, because I am eight years his senior. He's a seventeen year-old college kid at a university in Hendon (a suburb of London, right near Cricklewood where I stayed a couple summers ago). He works in a mall, and seems like your average teenager.
I have mentioned THIS BOOK here before. It's a big fun list of a bunch of stuff that you probably should do at least once in this life. The list includes swimming with a dolphin, riding the world's tallest rollercoasters, and getting arrested. One of the tasks is to meet someone with your name. I hope that one day I can meet this kid, and not just to cross him off the list. He seems cool. Besides, it will give one of us an excuse to travel halfway across the world, and lord knows there's nothing wrong with doing that once in a while.
COMMENTS:
Hey I've been arrested, and swam with a dolphin.
If only I could have been arrested by a dolphin. Now that would be sweet.
Brian Y 04.10.06 - 6:28 pm
Brian, what were you arrested for?
Edward Carter 04.10.06 - 7:32 pm
You've been arrested? Seriously? What for?
Joey 04.10.06 - 9:30 pm
Ok the stupidest time was in Oregon when i was younger. I am not kidding here, but two friends and I broke a branch to a small tree outside the town bank. The bank manager called the cops and they "bagged us" and took us to the police station. I use the word station loosely, it was Merrill after all. Luckily my mom worked next door, in the same building.
Oh wait that wasn't luck, it only made it worse. I got in all kinds of trouble. Why I don't know, but I think it embarrassed her. Anyways I got in mad trouble for breaking a branch. Seriously. The branch only broke because I was trying to reach a flower bloom. The youth and their deliquent botanical treasures.
Brian Y 04.11.06 - 12:34 am
So wait, you get arrested for trying to get a flower, then some ten years later we load up my car with god knows how many plants and get off scot free? Must be kharma.
Josh 04.16.06 - 3:22 pm
About a month ago I got an email that appeared to be a mass email to a college class regarding some assignment or some such thing. I was confused, but deleted it without reply. Then I got a second one from the same professor, so I sent a clear and polite message that I was not one of his students and I'd appreciate him taking me off his list.
He responded with equal politeness, apologized and agreed to take me off. A couple days later I got another one, this time I looked through the list of email addresses to see if somebody I knew was on the list. I figured maybe I somehow ended up on a list with one of my friends that are still in college. I'm not sure how that would work, but it's all I could think of.
AH-HA! I found something pretty damn close to being me actually. There was a joeymoore AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk. I sent another email to the professor pointing out that I am not that guy, and he again apologized. But this time I got a pleasent surprise. The teacher must have mentioned me to the other Joey, because I got a very short email from him as well.
"Haha. You have my name. Haha."
I have a new penpal! The funniest part of the coincidence is that I happen to find someone with my name in the same week that all my coworkers are teasing me by naming everything after me. The vain actor ego in me is loving all of this.
After a few messages back and forth, I jokingly pointed out that he actually has my name, and not the vice versa, because I am eight years his senior. He's a seventeen year-old college kid at a university in Hendon (a suburb of London, right near Cricklewood where I stayed a couple summers ago). He works in a mall, and seems like your average teenager.
I have mentioned THIS BOOK here before. It's a big fun list of a bunch of stuff that you probably should do at least once in this life. The list includes swimming with a dolphin, riding the world's tallest rollercoasters, and getting arrested. One of the tasks is to meet someone with your name. I hope that one day I can meet this kid, and not just to cross him off the list. He seems cool. Besides, it will give one of us an excuse to travel halfway across the world, and lord knows there's nothing wrong with doing that once in a while.
COMMENTS:
Hey I've been arrested, and swam with a dolphin.
If only I could have been arrested by a dolphin. Now that would be sweet.
Brian Y 04.10.06 - 6:28 pm
Brian, what were you arrested for?
Edward Carter 04.10.06 - 7:32 pm
You've been arrested? Seriously? What for?
Joey 04.10.06 - 9:30 pm
Ok the stupidest time was in Oregon when i was younger. I am not kidding here, but two friends and I broke a branch to a small tree outside the town bank. The bank manager called the cops and they "bagged us" and took us to the police station. I use the word station loosely, it was Merrill after all. Luckily my mom worked next door, in the same building.
Oh wait that wasn't luck, it only made it worse. I got in all kinds of trouble. Why I don't know, but I think it embarrassed her. Anyways I got in mad trouble for breaking a branch. Seriously. The branch only broke because I was trying to reach a flower bloom. The youth and their deliquent botanical treasures.
Brian Y 04.11.06 - 12:34 am
So wait, you get arrested for trying to get a flower, then some ten years later we load up my car with god knows how many plants and get off scot free? Must be kharma.
Josh 04.16.06 - 3:22 pm
Friday, April 07, 2006
Awe jeeze.
There are those rare moments in life that you know are going to have staying power. As the moment is happening you know that it is going to stick with you. Yes, these are the moments when you instantly know that you will never hear the end of jokes at your expense.
I live for these moments... but, generally when I'm not on the receiving end.
After each show with Child's Play we do a brief question and answer session for the kids. They usually ask the same handful of inane questions.
How long did it take to put the show together?
How did you make the garden turn from brown and dead to green?
Was it hard to learn the accents?
Once in a while a kid will surprise you with something new. Tonight a group of three, giggling thirteen-year-old girls asked Does the robin have a name? A seemingly innocent question. The answer is that in the book he did not, but the ladies in the cast had (uncleverly) named him Christopher. Get it? Christopher Robin. Hardy har.
After getting her answer the girl replied Oh, well, I'm going to call it Joey.
Outwardly I laughed right along with everybody else, but inside I sighed a little. As I said before, these people I work with are a smart-assed and lewd bunch. I knew right then that I would never hear the end of this.
It started almost immediately. Right when we finished the questions and said goodnight, and began to exit the stage Adam, our backstage running crew, jumped out and in an excited tone says "Guys, wait!" So we stop. "This panel of flooring right here is named Joey, so please walk around it, we wouldn't want to step on Joey."
God.
They were all merciless from then until the moment I left the building. Some were funny, and some were just lame. The following were my favorites.
Adam: (on his cell phone) Hey guys, good news! I just talked to my wife, she said we can rename all three of our cats Joey!
Deb: (striking a pin-up girl style pose, and speaking in a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice)
I'm going to call my panties Joey.
Dwayne: (heading for the bathroom) I'll be right back, guys. I gotta take a Joey.
My lifelong policy has always been to enjoy jokes at my expense, so long as they are funny. And these are.
I love these guys... but I tell them I hate them. I tell them while laughing, so I think they know I'm kidding.
There are those rare moments in life that you know are going to have staying power. As the moment is happening you know that it is going to stick with you. Yes, these are the moments when you instantly know that you will never hear the end of jokes at your expense.
I live for these moments... but, generally when I'm not on the receiving end.
After each show with Child's Play we do a brief question and answer session for the kids. They usually ask the same handful of inane questions.
How long did it take to put the show together?
How did you make the garden turn from brown and dead to green?
Was it hard to learn the accents?
Once in a while a kid will surprise you with something new. Tonight a group of three, giggling thirteen-year-old girls asked Does the robin have a name? A seemingly innocent question. The answer is that in the book he did not, but the ladies in the cast had (uncleverly) named him Christopher. Get it? Christopher Robin. Hardy har.
After getting her answer the girl replied Oh, well, I'm going to call it Joey.
Outwardly I laughed right along with everybody else, but inside I sighed a little. As I said before, these people I work with are a smart-assed and lewd bunch. I knew right then that I would never hear the end of this.
It started almost immediately. Right when we finished the questions and said goodnight, and began to exit the stage Adam, our backstage running crew, jumped out and in an excited tone says "Guys, wait!" So we stop. "This panel of flooring right here is named Joey, so please walk around it, we wouldn't want to step on Joey."
God.
They were all merciless from then until the moment I left the building. Some were funny, and some were just lame. The following were my favorites.
Adam: (on his cell phone) Hey guys, good news! I just talked to my wife, she said we can rename all three of our cats Joey!
Deb: (striking a pin-up girl style pose, and speaking in a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice)
I'm going to call my panties Joey.
Dwayne: (heading for the bathroom) I'll be right back, guys. I gotta take a Joey.
My lifelong policy has always been to enjoy jokes at my expense, so long as they are funny. And these are.
I love these guys... but I tell them I hate them. I tell them while laughing, so I think they know I'm kidding.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
A Letter to Mr and Mrs. Crohn
First, I just want to say CONGRAT-U-FREAKING-LATIONS!!!!!
Second, I would like to add damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn.
I actually want to say things much more colorful, but you get the idea.
Here's how things should have gone today, according to my plan:
2pm Show starts
3:45pm show ends, I leap out of my costume and sprint out the door where Meg is waiting with the car running
4:30pm our flight leaves the ground
5:30pm our flight lands in Ontario, quick cab ride later and we stumble in for the top of the ceremony, or shortly after.
I had it all worked out. We got our boarding passes in the morning, so we could skip checkin, and we had no luggage what-so-ever. The theatre is literally less than ten minutes from the airport, so most of the time between the show and the flight could be spent running across the terminal. It all should have worked out perfectly. But then fvcking Life got in the way.
The stage manager held house for at least ten to fifteen minutes, which means the show started that much later than it should. This pushes the end of show to about 4pm on the dot. I am especially upset about this because she knew that I had a flight to make, and yet she did it anyway... and the house was SMALL BESIDES! This made it tight to make it in time, but with the extremely short drive, and nothing else to complicate the situation, we could still do it. Once we got to the airport and sprinted up to the security point where they x-ray your bag we discovered a complication that we might have known if we had read the boarding passes that we printed that morning. The security guy looked at our boarding passes and shook his head. "You missed it. It's probably leaving the gate right this second" he said.
WHAT?!
He then pointed out to me that our boarding passes were for a flight that was scheduled to leave at 4:20, not 4:30 like ORBITZ.COM told me. Yeah, that's right. Orbitz sold me a ticket that was listed as a 4:30 flight on their website, when in reality the actual flight was scheduled to leave at 4:20 all along. And, no, I'm not remembering wrong. That tiny little ten minute gap would have given me pause about buying the ticket to begin with. It said 4:30 damnit.
Between the stage manager and Orbitz we lost twenty-five minutes of between time that made all the difference in the world.
So, we missed that one. Grrrrr. My mood went completely south when I realized that I would miss the ceremony, and there was nothing I could do about it. The customer service counter informed us that the next flight wasn't until 7 pm. GRRRRRR. Fine. Nothing we can do about it. We'll still get in at 8 and have two and a half hours of reception time. That makes it a lot of trouble for just a couple hours, but that's not the end of the world. I was still grumpy at this point, but oh well.
Then the flight got delayed to 7:10... then 7:30... then as 7:10 came and went the plane was not even there yet. Shortly after that it finally arrived and began disembarking, which means there is no way in hell that we'd be in the air by even 7:30 anyway. I was guessing 7:45, if even that soon. At this point we realized that the earliest possible time that we would be walking in to the reception would be between 9 and 9:30 if we were lucky and no further delays came up. My heart sank. I wanted to cry. At this point we would only be there for about an hour and then turn around to drive home. And after this ordeal I wouldn't have been good company anyway. So, with our heads hanging and our tails tucked between our legs we walked away from the gate. By the way, as we walked out it was almost 7:20 and the disembarking of the previous passengers had not even finished.
So, there it is. There is the story of Joey and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. The good news is I have a three week break between April 24th and May 19th, and I'd love to come out and visit for a few days to make up for it. Oh, and we got you a present too. It's THIS. Let me know if someone else got you another one, and I'll take it back. We love ours, man, It's really handy for making mashed potatoes, refried beans, and it makes a GREAT milkshake.
Love you guys, and sorry that we suck. Shoot me an email about coming to visit in May. I mean it. Seriously, pick a couple days and I'm there.
COMMENTS:
Much love, of course, Joey. Thank you for trying so hard to make it out here. Sometimes life gives you lemons, and sometimes life gives you kittens that only LOOK like lemons, and then you feel horribly guilty that you just tried juicing a kitten, but not TOO guilty because the kiteen juice tastes pretty good too. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, so just pretend it's (+5, Insightful).
And we'll be glad to have you and Meg come out to visit us during your break. We get back from the honeymoon April 16th, so any of those weekends is fine. Just let me know which one works best for you. I'll bring the lipstick and assless chaps.
Josh 04.05.06 - 4:00 am
Planning a trip with Orbitz? Check the fine print for: BULLSHIT.
Edward Carter 04.05.06 - 6:31 pm
I read the page you linked, Ed. This guy is a moron. When me and Brian and Nick and Gurg flew in to visit you guys a couple years ago we flew in to San Jose and took the train in to SF itself. Why would anyone expect Orbitz to provide transport from the San Jose airport to San Francisco? And why the hell did he take a cab and not the transit system?
Besides that, there is no airport actually IN SF, is there?
Don't get me wrong, Orbitz does suck, and they suck HARD. But this guy did this to himself.
Joey 04.06.06 - 2:55 am
The San Francisco Airport isn't actually in San Francisco, but it is pretty close to San Francisco. I mean, yeah, if the guy had carefully examined the details of the itinerary before giving Orbitz his credit card number, then he would have known that it was an impossible itinerary, just like how he realized that after the fact. The point is, I think it's reasonable to consider Orbitz putting impossible itineraries up for sale on their website to be a refund-worthy mistake.
As far as why he would take a cab instead of the transit system, which transit system are you talking about? Caltrain? A cab would be much faster.
Edward Carter 04.06.06 - 9:09 am
A cab is faster, but his complaint was the cost. The train would be a hell of a lot cheaper.
Joey 04.06.06 - 10:55 am
Only a cab would have even come close to getting him to SFO in time to catch the connecting flight Orbitz gave him.
Edward Carter 04.06.06 - 3:12 pm
OH! He had a connecting flight in San Fran? See, I stopped reading when he said that his flight went to San Jose and he was pissed because they didn't get him into San Fran. I didn't realize time was an issue in that way. My bad. Man, Orbitz does SUCK!
Joey 04.12.06 - 7:45 pm
First, I just want to say CONGRAT-U-FREAKING-LATIONS!!!!!
Second, I would like to add damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn.
I actually want to say things much more colorful, but you get the idea.
Here's how things should have gone today, according to my plan:
2pm Show starts
3:45pm show ends, I leap out of my costume and sprint out the door where Meg is waiting with the car running
4:30pm our flight leaves the ground
5:30pm our flight lands in Ontario, quick cab ride later and we stumble in for the top of the ceremony, or shortly after.
I had it all worked out. We got our boarding passes in the morning, so we could skip checkin, and we had no luggage what-so-ever. The theatre is literally less than ten minutes from the airport, so most of the time between the show and the flight could be spent running across the terminal. It all should have worked out perfectly. But then fvcking Life got in the way.
The stage manager held house for at least ten to fifteen minutes, which means the show started that much later than it should. This pushes the end of show to about 4pm on the dot. I am especially upset about this because she knew that I had a flight to make, and yet she did it anyway... and the house was SMALL BESIDES! This made it tight to make it in time, but with the extremely short drive, and nothing else to complicate the situation, we could still do it. Once we got to the airport and sprinted up to the security point where they x-ray your bag we discovered a complication that we might have known if we had read the boarding passes that we printed that morning. The security guy looked at our boarding passes and shook his head. "You missed it. It's probably leaving the gate right this second" he said.
WHAT?!
He then pointed out to me that our boarding passes were for a flight that was scheduled to leave at 4:20, not 4:30 like ORBITZ.COM told me. Yeah, that's right. Orbitz sold me a ticket that was listed as a 4:30 flight on their website, when in reality the actual flight was scheduled to leave at 4:20 all along. And, no, I'm not remembering wrong. That tiny little ten minute gap would have given me pause about buying the ticket to begin with. It said 4:30 damnit.
Between the stage manager and Orbitz we lost twenty-five minutes of between time that made all the difference in the world.
So, we missed that one. Grrrrr. My mood went completely south when I realized that I would miss the ceremony, and there was nothing I could do about it. The customer service counter informed us that the next flight wasn't until 7 pm. GRRRRRR. Fine. Nothing we can do about it. We'll still get in at 8 and have two and a half hours of reception time. That makes it a lot of trouble for just a couple hours, but that's not the end of the world. I was still grumpy at this point, but oh well.
Then the flight got delayed to 7:10... then 7:30... then as 7:10 came and went the plane was not even there yet. Shortly after that it finally arrived and began disembarking, which means there is no way in hell that we'd be in the air by even 7:30 anyway. I was guessing 7:45, if even that soon. At this point we realized that the earliest possible time that we would be walking in to the reception would be between 9 and 9:30 if we were lucky and no further delays came up. My heart sank. I wanted to cry. At this point we would only be there for about an hour and then turn around to drive home. And after this ordeal I wouldn't have been good company anyway. So, with our heads hanging and our tails tucked between our legs we walked away from the gate. By the way, as we walked out it was almost 7:20 and the disembarking of the previous passengers had not even finished.
So, there it is. There is the story of Joey and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. The good news is I have a three week break between April 24th and May 19th, and I'd love to come out and visit for a few days to make up for it. Oh, and we got you a present too. It's THIS. Let me know if someone else got you another one, and I'll take it back. We love ours, man, It's really handy for making mashed potatoes, refried beans, and it makes a GREAT milkshake.
Love you guys, and sorry that we suck. Shoot me an email about coming to visit in May. I mean it. Seriously, pick a couple days and I'm there.
COMMENTS:
Much love, of course, Joey. Thank you for trying so hard to make it out here. Sometimes life gives you lemons, and sometimes life gives you kittens that only LOOK like lemons, and then you feel horribly guilty that you just tried juicing a kitten, but not TOO guilty because the kiteen juice tastes pretty good too. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, so just pretend it's (+5, Insightful).
And we'll be glad to have you and Meg come out to visit us during your break. We get back from the honeymoon April 16th, so any of those weekends is fine. Just let me know which one works best for you. I'll bring the lipstick and assless chaps.
Josh 04.05.06 - 4:00 am
Planning a trip with Orbitz? Check the fine print for: BULLSHIT.
Edward Carter 04.05.06 - 6:31 pm
I read the page you linked, Ed. This guy is a moron. When me and Brian and Nick and Gurg flew in to visit you guys a couple years ago we flew in to San Jose and took the train in to SF itself. Why would anyone expect Orbitz to provide transport from the San Jose airport to San Francisco? And why the hell did he take a cab and not the transit system?
Besides that, there is no airport actually IN SF, is there?
Don't get me wrong, Orbitz does suck, and they suck HARD. But this guy did this to himself.
Joey 04.06.06 - 2:55 am
The San Francisco Airport isn't actually in San Francisco, but it is pretty close to San Francisco. I mean, yeah, if the guy had carefully examined the details of the itinerary before giving Orbitz his credit card number, then he would have known that it was an impossible itinerary, just like how he realized that after the fact. The point is, I think it's reasonable to consider Orbitz putting impossible itineraries up for sale on their website to be a refund-worthy mistake.
As far as why he would take a cab instead of the transit system, which transit system are you talking about? Caltrain? A cab would be much faster.
Edward Carter 04.06.06 - 9:09 am
A cab is faster, but his complaint was the cost. The train would be a hell of a lot cheaper.
Joey 04.06.06 - 10:55 am
Only a cab would have even come close to getting him to SFO in time to catch the connecting flight Orbitz gave him.
Edward Carter 04.06.06 - 3:12 pm
OH! He had a connecting flight in San Fran? See, I stopped reading when he said that his flight went to San Jose and he was pissed because they didn't get him into San Fran. I didn't realize time was an issue in that way. My bad. Man, Orbitz does SUCK!
Joey 04.12.06 - 7:45 pm
Saturday, April 01, 2006
I'm digging Child's Play folks
You ever wonder what life was like on the set of FULL HOUSE once the cameras stopped rolling? I'm guessing things were pretty foul. It's seems that when a person has to filter themself and put forward this G-rated face all the time that behind the scenes they let the raunch flow freely. Actually, scratch that. I'm not guessing. I know. First hand. Not only from watching Bob Saget's stand-up (shudder) but from working at Child's Play.
I have said before that I wasn't looking forward to this project, but these people are tons of fun, even if the subject matter isn't. We make lewd gestures, sound effects, bad jokes, practical jokes, etc. And a lot of that stuff happens ON stage. The best part is that the audience has no clue.
Tonight, for example, Dwayne (our Ben Weatherstaff) decided to play a little with Laurie (the Robin puppeteer / Mrs. Craven's spirit). There's a moment where he and I move two set pieces onto the stage and are standing behind them while she is manipulating the Robin puppet right in between us. Keep in mind that she is clearly visible to the audience, just peeking out from behind the set, while Ben and I are hidden on either side of her, just a foot or two away. Dwayne begins to quietly make very sexual grunting noises mere inches from her ear. Ooohhh. Ooohhh. Ooohhh. OoooOOohhh. Just loud enough for Laurie and I to hear, but not loud enough to be heard by anyone else because of the underscoring. I'm standing behind my pillar, clutching it to keep myself from collapsing with laughter, while Laurie (to her credit) was barely showing the slightest hint of a grin. That girl is a trooper. She has my undying respect.
Oh, and by the way, Dwayne is VERY gay, so sexual ear-grunting on Laurie is not as creepy as it may sound. Plus he was trying not to laugh his ass off himself as he was doing it.
Speaking of Dwayne being very gay, here's a little interchange from a couple days ago. I often get the sense that Dwayne is flirting with me, so I flirt back. It's all in good fun, and I think we both understand that. This conversation took place after James (playing Colin) found out that Dwayne had never seen THE THREE AMIGOS.
James: I want to watch that movie with you, man. I think you'd like it.
Dwayne: Well, are you going to put out?
James: (laughs) No.
Dwayne: Well, then. Forget it.
I saw an opportunity, and jumped in.
ME: You know, I want to watch it with you too. I won't put out either... but I'll spoon.
Dwayne: Hmm... okay.
ME: Now, do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
COMMENTS:
I have to give credit where it's due. The last joke was borrowed from Scrubs.
Ah, John C Mcginley. My hero.
Joey 04.02.06 - 3:19 am
It's a good thing you gave it credit. Without that context, there only appears to be one gay person in that exchange, and it sure ain't Dwayne
Josh 04.05.06 - 4:02 am
You ever wonder what life was like on the set of FULL HOUSE once the cameras stopped rolling? I'm guessing things were pretty foul. It's seems that when a person has to filter themself and put forward this G-rated face all the time that behind the scenes they let the raunch flow freely. Actually, scratch that. I'm not guessing. I know. First hand. Not only from watching Bob Saget's stand-up (shudder) but from working at Child's Play.
I have said before that I wasn't looking forward to this project, but these people are tons of fun, even if the subject matter isn't. We make lewd gestures, sound effects, bad jokes, practical jokes, etc. And a lot of that stuff happens ON stage. The best part is that the audience has no clue.
Tonight, for example, Dwayne (our Ben Weatherstaff) decided to play a little with Laurie (the Robin puppeteer / Mrs. Craven's spirit). There's a moment where he and I move two set pieces onto the stage and are standing behind them while she is manipulating the Robin puppet right in between us. Keep in mind that she is clearly visible to the audience, just peeking out from behind the set, while Ben and I are hidden on either side of her, just a foot or two away. Dwayne begins to quietly make very sexual grunting noises mere inches from her ear. Ooohhh. Ooohhh. Ooohhh. OoooOOohhh. Just loud enough for Laurie and I to hear, but not loud enough to be heard by anyone else because of the underscoring. I'm standing behind my pillar, clutching it to keep myself from collapsing with laughter, while Laurie (to her credit) was barely showing the slightest hint of a grin. That girl is a trooper. She has my undying respect.
Oh, and by the way, Dwayne is VERY gay, so sexual ear-grunting on Laurie is not as creepy as it may sound. Plus he was trying not to laugh his ass off himself as he was doing it.
Speaking of Dwayne being very gay, here's a little interchange from a couple days ago. I often get the sense that Dwayne is flirting with me, so I flirt back. It's all in good fun, and I think we both understand that. This conversation took place after James (playing Colin) found out that Dwayne had never seen THE THREE AMIGOS.
James: I want to watch that movie with you, man. I think you'd like it.
Dwayne: Well, are you going to put out?
James: (laughs) No.
Dwayne: Well, then. Forget it.
I saw an opportunity, and jumped in.
ME: You know, I want to watch it with you too. I won't put out either... but I'll spoon.
Dwayne: Hmm... okay.
ME: Now, do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
COMMENTS:
I have to give credit where it's due. The last joke was borrowed from Scrubs.
Ah, John C Mcginley. My hero.
Joey 04.02.06 - 3:19 am
It's a good thing you gave it credit. Without that context, there only appears to be one gay person in that exchange, and it sure ain't Dwayne
Josh 04.05.06 - 4:02 am
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