Poop Shute

The Last Word

This election season has drive me batty. Every election has, and every furture election likely will. Thank god, this one is nearly over. But this one... a lot of what I hear coming out of the Republican camp is so misguided and/or distorted and I keep getting in my email box.

My grandfather sent me a silly story about a man confronting the "redistribution of wealth" idea by stiffing his waiter and giving the tip to a bum outside. I won't even bother mentioning my argument against that badly drawn metaphor. But I thought I would share my satirical response to this HUGE anti-socialism campaign. This was also sent to my grandfather.

Allright, I can see this is a big deal for you. I applaud your bravery! I expect you to do a few things to make your stance loud and clear for all to hear. Say it loud and say it proud, down with socialism!

This means you must pull your children out of public schools immediately. If you haven't already enrolled them in a private school that charges tuition, now is the time! You're not paying for public school, are you? The parents of all children in public schools pay no tuition, do they? It's paid for with tax dollars, right? So, what that means is all working people pay into the system that pays for it, and we all get access to it for free. Hmmm... a state-owned and publicly funded resource that is free for all citizens... why, that would make it, BY DEFINITION, a SOCIALIST institution. So, if you're serious about your stance, you are really required by your conscience to boycott public schools aren't you? And again, I applaud your strength for doing so.

Also, the next time you are victim of a crime, I know you will not call 911 and expect the police to come to your aid. You don't pay their sallary out-of-pocket, so of course you will not dain to participate in yet another subversive insitution. I mean, that again comes out of the pool of money we all pay into, and we all get it for free. But, I will admire you a great deal if you show restraint and refrain from taking part in a socialist system. Find the man who broke into your house yourself. It would definitely be good exercise, wouldn't it?

Also, never again can you take out a library book... unless you keep it long enough that they force you to buy it. That would show them, wouldn't it? Force them to adhere to our strict capitalist agenda! Kudos to you.

I know you think I'm being flippant here, but we have already been using socialist systems in this country for quite a long time, as I have amply illustrated above. Nobody is demanding that rich people fork over everything and instantly transform themselves into lower class people. They will still have their over-priced gas-guzzlers, and city-block sized estates and boats and all that. There is no chance that taxes would reduce them to poverty. And really, I don't think anybody would want that anyway. There seems to be a fascination in this country of those of us in the bottom 90% of earners staring transfixed at everything those top 10% say and do. It would just be nice to see them live up to the responsibility that the tax code ALREADY asks of them. That doesn't sound scary or "experimental" (to use Palin's word) to me.