2006, A Poetical Prosaic Review

We are, each of us, the sum total of our respective experiences. They not only shape us, but they become us. They are our flesh, our thoughts, and our feelings.

As I look back on this year, I see a great deal of pain. I see a great deal of loss. I see tears and traumas.

And I smile.

I see these things in vivid snapshot images and old home movies that play against the inside of my skull. The pictures are already a little faded, and there are scratches and dust spots already. It reminds me of the opening credits to THE WONDER YEARS.

I see these things in scar tissue, both literal and figurative. The events of this past year have given me a thicker skin and yet made me more sensitive. I am more guarded and yet more open than I have been in recent memory.

I see all these things and I know I am strong.

Stephen King's Missouri

I better not post too many more times while I'm here. I'd hate to run out of clever titles.

It's such a great feeling when someone voices a validation of your own feelings, and they do it totally unprovoked. See, I have this MASSIVE zit... trust me, it will connect to the validation thing eventually. Really, it will.

So, this zit is frightening. I mean, I'm glad I am away from the women folk and tucked away in a cold, dark corner of Missouri, because damn. I mean, my face is about ready to subdivide into separate zipcodes. It's on the bridge of my nose, and if I look to the side I can see the sucker. It's big and bulbous and red like rudolph. I mean, damn. Just plain damn. And I know, some of you are thinking I am exaggerating, but no dice. Brian and Nick can back me up on the comments if they happen to read this.

So, I was joking about the the terrifying dimensions of this blemish to Nick's mom, and she said something that filled me all up with warm fuzzies.

Marita: Well, at least you're with family. Nobody here is going to judge or be grossed out.

Family. That is how I have always felt about them. It was just really touching to hear her say it, and so casually. Matter of fact even.

And, no, this touching moment was not at all sullied for me by the fact that it was brought about by a pimple. Not in the slightest.

It's good to be home again, if only for a short while.


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Brian and I spent the last couple hours talking with Chico. I introduced them to one of my favorite beers (Blue Moon) and then we got to talking about various beers we tried. This lead us into favorite drinking stories, which lead us into favorite party stories which lead us into favorite drug stories. I only have a few of those, but Chico has way more than any one person should have.

My favorite of his involved him and his brother and cousin doing acid together. He was just sitting and placidly enjoying watching a tree sway in the wind. "The way it moved, it looked just like Godzilla." Meanwhile his brother and cousin were freaking out and screaming, and clearly having a bit of a rough trip. They were harshing Chico's buzz so he hollered at them.

Chico: Will you guys shut the #$%& up and just go to sleep.

Them: We can't! We'll forget how to breath!

Missouri Loves Company

I've been saving that title up for like a week.

I am hear visiting dear friends. More than friends, they're another set of parents.

In high school I found myself unwelcome in my own home, so I found new homes. I spent most of my time split between Brian's house and Nick's house. As a result their moms became de facto moms to me as well.

I'm here in Springfield visiting Nick's mom and stepdad. Marita and Jeff "Chico" McQueen. Marita is one of the sweetest souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Chico is just a really cool, down-to-earth guy who likes video games and sci-fi. Great people. Unfortunately, time has gotten away from me since they moved here. This is the first time they have seen me in over eight years.

I wish I oculd say this was a random pleasure trip. This is more than likely going to be the big goodbye. I'm finding myself approaching panic when I think about it. I feel my heart pound and my head get light, and I can feel a little piece of my childhood slipping away. Marita is very ill. The doctors are giving her only another couple months. They're already using phrases like "make her as comfortable as possible."

Comfortable. Comfortable?

Somehow seems wholly inappropriate.

When she goes this will be a first for me. It will be the first time someone very close to me has passed away. I have known people who have died, but nobody that has had such a tremendous impact on the man I have become. I'm not sure how I will handle this.

For now, no more thoughts like this. I'm not ready.

GURG posted a link to THIS PERSONALITY QUIZ

After a brief series of questions it tells you which major religions are most similar to, or best suited to, your own brand of beliefs.

It disturbed me to find out that my beliefs are apparently more in line with the Mormons than with the Buddhists and Taoists. Latter Day Saints ranked at 8th place for me, while Theravada took 10th, Mahayana was 12th and Taoism plunked down at 15th. This is especially confusing since I have adopted elements of Buddhist and Toaist philosophy as my own in recent months.

Upon reading the description of Mormon beliefs I noted that I disagreed with everything they stand for, both in practice and in all my answers to the quiz questions. Yet the quiz said I agreed with them 61%

I don't get it. Although many of the questions did not have an answer that matched my thoughts exactly, so I had to go with the closest thing. In some cases there was no closest thing. Stupid personality tests and their lack of range.

Like Gurg, Catholicism came in at a lowly 26th place for me. Like Gurg, I too was raised Catholic. Baptized and everything.

Go figure.

Thank you Mr Lewis Black

or

WTF Neil Cavuto?!

The DAILY SHOW made me aware of the fact that there is apparently a "SWIRLING CONTROVERSY" surrounding the movie HAPPY FEET.

Sigh. Really?

I haven't seen it, so I can't really defend it right now, but because of the nature of the controversy I am going to go vote with my wallet tonight and support it with some of my hard-earned cash.

Apparently, conservative douche-bags are labeling it "an animated version of AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH." They are also calling it a "shock corridor for kids." It seems the film has some undercurrents about humans and our abuse of the environment and how it's effecting the penguins habitat. The critics seem to be saying that the movie is a wolf in penguin's clothing, as it were. They are declaring from the rooftops that this is dangerous, hippy propaganda masquerading as a harmless kids movie.

This is just silly. Firstly, if the environmental info in this film is really on par with Inconvenient Truth, then its all based on scientific data. This contrived dialogue is just a further attempt to put it into our heads that there is controversy among scientists about what we are doing to our planet. Have you ever noticed that it's scientists with graphs and stats and research and photos that will tell you there is a problem, but that it's unqualified media personalities and even less qualified politicians telling that it's all sunshine and lollipops from here on out? Do they ever have any intelligible reasons? Any graphs or data of any kind? Not usually.

Watch out for phrases like "bad science" and "junk science" and even "good science." These are catch phrases used to get you to subscribe to their point of view and ignore research that says otherwise. There really is no such thing as good or bad science. All research (if done properly) has it's place, but they would have you believe any research that disagrees with their stance is junk.

BOO CNN. BOO Fox News. BOO White House. For Shame.

Oh, and one reporter actually made some comments about the movie pushing the gay agenda as well. To her I would like to point out a little-known scientific fact; penguins are one of the few species that we have documented evidence of homosexual pairings. And they mate for life. Isn't that just adorable?

If you folks can't watch a cartoon about danging frigging penguins without feeling a rush of nauseous homophobia, then maybe you should look around your house for that memo. You know, the memo that says HOLLYWOOD IS OWNED AND RUN BY HIPPIES, JEWS AND FAGS!

I'm sure this mess was an attempt to discourage people from going to see this film, and I'm sure it worked on the brainwashed and like-minded. For this guy, it pushed my butt right into the theatre seat.

Review tomorrow.

Oh, The Irony

Right as I make the very public resolution to write more than just on here, I stop writing anything at all, including on here.

Sheesh.

I took an ad out today for my company. This ad appears in the ECHO. It's a local gay magazine.

Allow me a moment to explain.

My favorite client is this really cool guy who I will hereafter refer to as Ned.

Ned is very gay. Ned is very very very gay. His entire house is decked out in rainbows. Not a joke either. Example: on his coffee table is a coaster set that has seven coasters. Each one is a different color. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet. And, yes, they are stacked in the order of an actual rainbow.

Anyway, Ned is a masseuse and he advertises in ECHO. He recommended I do the same. He cited the well-known fact that "queers" (his word) have just as many body image issues as women, if not more. He said there is a whole market there that I could easily tap into. He also mentioned that gayboys (also his word) like to talk about good-looking guys, like say the cute personal trainer they just hired (cute was also his word) so after a few calls from the ad I should start to pick up word of mouth business too.

I was hesitant at first. I didn't want to give the wrong impression. I didn't want dudes to get mad at me, and justifiably so, for falsely presenting myself as gay to gain clientele. Ned countered this with a very good point.

Ned pointed out that the ad won't actually say I'm gay, and it doesn't ever really need to come up. If the clients behave themselves, then I never need to break the illusion that I might be gay. This way, they can ogle and harmlessly flirt with me and I can just do my job as usual. No harm no foul. Sort of a straight version of the US Military's don't-ask-don't-tell policy.

And on the other hand, if a client does try to cross that line, I can just play the professionalism card and say that I don't sleep with people I'm conducting business with.

But we all know that would be a total lie. If a hot female client threw herself at me, you think I'd turn that down? If I had some hot lonely widow for a client who came on to me, I'd probably hit that. I mean, come on, who could resist a hot lonely widow? Especially if she's just a little bit older, because then she's tapping into those teenage fantasies of that one friend's hot mom who in your wildest dreams seduces you
MRS ROBINSON-style. Come on, we all had that friend whose mom drove us crazy, right? Could you blame me if that happened and I caved? I mean really.