Missouri Loves Company
I've been saving that title up for like a week.
I am hear visiting dear friends. More than friends, they're another set of parents.
In high school I found myself unwelcome in my own home, so I found new homes. I spent most of my time split between Brian's house and Nick's house. As a result their moms became de facto moms to me as well.
I'm here in Springfield visiting Nick's mom and stepdad. Marita and Jeff "Chico" McQueen. Marita is one of the sweetest souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Chico is just a really cool, down-to-earth guy who likes video games and sci-fi. Great people. Unfortunately, time has gotten away from me since they moved here. This is the first time they have seen me in over eight years.
I wish I oculd say this was a random pleasure trip. This is more than likely going to be the big goodbye. I'm finding myself approaching panic when I think about it. I feel my heart pound and my head get light, and I can feel a little piece of my childhood slipping away. Marita is very ill. The doctors are giving her only another couple months. They're already using phrases like "make her as comfortable as possible."
Comfortable. Comfortable?
Somehow seems wholly inappropriate.
When she goes this will be a first for me. It will be the first time someone very close to me has passed away. I have known people who have died, but nobody that has had such a tremendous impact on the man I have become. I'm not sure how I will handle this.
For now, no more thoughts like this. I'm not ready.
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