Poop Shute

Oh, The Irony

Right as I make the very public resolution to write more than just on here, I stop writing anything at all, including on here.

Sheesh.

I took an ad out today for my company. This ad appears in the ECHO. It's a local gay magazine.

Allow me a moment to explain.

My favorite client is this really cool guy who I will hereafter refer to as Ned.

Ned is very gay. Ned is very very very gay. His entire house is decked out in rainbows. Not a joke either. Example: on his coffee table is a coaster set that has seven coasters. Each one is a different color. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet. And, yes, they are stacked in the order of an actual rainbow.

Anyway, Ned is a masseuse and he advertises in ECHO. He recommended I do the same. He cited the well-known fact that "queers" (his word) have just as many body image issues as women, if not more. He said there is a whole market there that I could easily tap into. He also mentioned that gayboys (also his word) like to talk about good-looking guys, like say the cute personal trainer they just hired (cute was also his word) so after a few calls from the ad I should start to pick up word of mouth business too.

I was hesitant at first. I didn't want to give the wrong impression. I didn't want dudes to get mad at me, and justifiably so, for falsely presenting myself as gay to gain clientele. Ned countered this with a very good point.

Ned pointed out that the ad won't actually say I'm gay, and it doesn't ever really need to come up. If the clients behave themselves, then I never need to break the illusion that I might be gay. This way, they can ogle and harmlessly flirt with me and I can just do my job as usual. No harm no foul. Sort of a straight version of the US Military's don't-ask-don't-tell policy.

And on the other hand, if a client does try to cross that line, I can just play the professionalism card and say that I don't sleep with people I'm conducting business with.

But we all know that would be a total lie. If a hot female client threw herself at me, you think I'd turn that down? If I had some hot lonely widow for a client who came on to me, I'd probably hit that. I mean, come on, who could resist a hot lonely widow? Especially if she's just a little bit older, because then she's tapping into those teenage fantasies of that one friend's hot mom who in your wildest dreams seduces you
MRS ROBINSON-style. Come on, we all had that friend whose mom drove us crazy, right? Could you blame me if that happened and I caved? I mean really.