Poop Shute

Manifesto Part 2: An Ammendment

Somebody mentioned to me that the tone of my manifesto seemed to be "someone I don't want to know." The bits about self-censoring and permission were what seemed to be particularly chafing to this person. Apparently the bits about going-with-the-flow and taking responsibilty for my own feelings and striving to be a force for positive change in the world were over-shadowed by the looming black cloud of my strong sense of honesty. You read that right, my stance on truth has offended someone. This reaction doesn't surprise me from this person lately, but I will address it anway.

This is not so much an actual amendment, as an elaboration. I feel I wasn't clear enough.

Take 2

I find in this life that we (all of us) wear masks a lot of the time. We each have a wide repertoire of them, and change them several times a day. You may not have ever caught yourself doing this, but let me ask you a question. Have you ever found yourself saying something like the following about a person or group of people:

(he/she/they) bring out the _________ in me.

You know:

"John brings out the weirdo in me."

Or

"Monty brings out the @sshole in me."

That kind of thing. I'll bet you have, and that is what I am talking about. Each of us act differently around different individuals and different groups. There is the version of us that our family sees, and then the one our friends see, and our workplace sees, etc. And even within those groups are sub-sets. For example I'll bet a lot of you are different with just your siblings than you are when your parents are around, but they are all family. Everyone does this to some degree. These are the masks I am referring to.

To some extent, this is absolutely necassary. There are certain situations where you can get yourself into a lot of trouble if you don't wear the appropriate mask. I fully recognize that facing a judge in a courtroom would probably not be the best time to crack jokes like I do, for example. All I am getting at here is I feel that most of us do this too much, myself included. I feel that it isn't as needed most of the time, and yet we do it anyway.

When we do this we do two things that bother me:

1) When we edit/censor ourselves to be the version of ourselves that we think best fits the person/people/situation, we are not giving the people around us enough credit.

2) We put responsibility for that decision on others, by attributing it to them. Saying "they bring out the (blank) in me" puts it on them, when in reality it is a choice we make.

For many of us it is an unconcious choice, but still a choice. And that is my point in that section of the manifesto. I am concious of this ever-present decision of which version of me to be, and I am trying to shrug it off. I want to be the real me. That statement instantly provokes the question: which version would be the real me? I think it is the one that feels the least like a mask. The one that feels natural. The one I enjoy the most, and makes my life the most worth living.

We assume that we will upset or offend, and that seems to be a big deterrent for honesty in this day and age. God forbid somebody might disagree with my thoughts or feelings or observations or even personality ticks. I can't live that way, and I won't. I refuse.

So, that whole honesty bit is about being true to who I am, and not hiding behind a mask. Or to be more accurate, its about wearing fewer masks and less of the time. It is not about using honesty to be a mask itself that excuses being a douchebag. I will reiterate that I do recognize that diplomacy and omitting of hurtful truths do have their place, and I do use those tactics when I decide they are needed. I am not a callous idiot. I have not ever, and nor do I plan to start walking around saying anything and everything that I observe just because it's true. For example, I would NOT walk up to a person with terrible acne and say "Jesus, it looks like a jar of Ragu exploded on your face!" BUT if that same person point-blank asked me if I thought they had bad skin, I would have to answer yes. That is fair and respectful to the person. If they didn't want to know the truth then they shouldn't have asked. I will not assume that what they really wanted was for me to stroke their ego when they asked my opinion.

To anyone reading:

If once in a while my honesty rubs you the wrong way, I won't be surprised. If you can respect my opinion and know that nothing I say is ever designed to be malicious, then we can be friends. I think the ability to disagree is something that is all too under-valued in our society. If I can't tell you what I think, and still have your respect and trust, then I guess we shouldn't be in each other's lives. And that is not an aggresive statement, but just how it is.

You follow?