Poop Shute

I get it now

I really get it. Up until now, I have understood where she is coming from, but not agreed with her methods. I have also been operating under the very sad and very sick delusion that I can find the right thing to say or the right thing to do.

Not the thing that will fix her problems for her, I am not that big a fool. Just the thing that will help her remember. Remember that she IS worth it, and so am I, and so are we. In my quest to find that right thing I've been saying a lot of the wrong thing. In my scramble to hold on, I am shoving her away harder and harder with each passing day.

I still don't agree with how she is handling this, but I have no say in that. That is what I get now. I have to shut my fvcking mouth and leave her alone. I say that without bitterness, or anger. I say that with a clear head. That is the best way I can love her now. The only way.
At least for now.

*************************

I have never been one of those people that likes to post song lyrics of pop songs up, but I am finding myself doing and saying a lot of things lately that are not what I would consider "me" so bare with me. Anyway, the following passages from these songs seemed to speak directly to me. They are only a couple cuttings, not full songs. And the words don't do the music justice, but enjoy.

"If I had seen the way it would be
I'd hush your cries when you came to me
If I could do what I did to you
the same to me
and I would love for you to see
that I sleep with remorse
and regret hangs 'round my door forever more

If I had known the lowering tide
was lowering with the way you felt inside
If I had known all hope was gone
a broken heart
and a broken home
that pierced my lover's past
and carved a lonely path for her to walk

So if ever someone says to you
'Life isn't fair, get used to it.'
Then you should say
'Well, it might be,
if folks like you
would let it be.'"
The Avett Brothers- The Lowering (A Sad Day In Greenvilletown)

"So they cried and sighed while their eyes smiled
there was no turning back for two
Erase the memories stockpiled
all alone and only one thing left to do
In the rollercoaster shadow
They took off their shoes and bared their souls

And she held his hand to follow
And he held his breath and let go

They crouched down low
Sat in the front row
Untied the rope so
they could fly
Hold on tight
Let's get it just right
We'll take our last flight
You and I"
Moxy Fruvous- Fly

COMMENTS:

Oh, yeah, and let it be known that this conclusion that I need to leave her alone is one I have reached about six times now. I may need to reach it a few more times, but it will stick soon. I hope.
Joey 08.18.06 - 4:40 pm

I miss Joey. Come to Disneyland and forget your troubles for a day. and bring two friends if you like. I'm going to miss your cowboys and indians party, but I'm hoping to make a trip down there soon.. like in a month or so. I'd love to hang out. We could get sushi!!
call anytime.. I like to listen.
Kellbell 08.19.06 - 10:10 pm

I'm so confused...
Anyway, when are you back in Arizona?
therealdavid 08.20.06 - 11:28 pm

Tecumseh, I made a mistake. Its not the horrible place I stopped by on my way to new york although I'm sure it's still...quiet. thank you google.
mulk 08.22.06 - 5:33 pm