Poop Shute

MOTHER F**KER

Take the link above first.

I want to start by saying that under normal circumstances I do not have any desire to desecrate the American flag. I think it's a pretty good flag. A touch boring, maybe. but it doesn't strike me as deserving desecration.

Right now I'm itching to burn that wavy little bastard til the cows come home and sh*t on it.

I am so sick and tired of conservatives wanting to take things away from us. Just because they think people shouldn't do things they like to make it so that they couldn't.

Riddle me this, you bible-thumping, gun-toting, artery-clogged, middle-america retards; how does burning the flag impede on your life, liberty, or pursuit of happiness? You know, the handful of things that this country's laws were originally intended to protect? Those pesky little things that seem to get in the way for you people lately.

Life: Hmmm... it doesn't seem to me that wiping my ass with the flag would actually kill anybody. I mean, maybe the entire republican party might drop dead of a heart attack, but that is sort of tangential, isn't it? And would that really be so bad? Kidding... but it's still not murder.

Liberty: Does burning the flag actually somehow imprison someone against their will or prevent them from leading a healthy, productive life? Does it stop anyone from doing anything wholesome? Well... I suppose it prevents them from looking at the flag... you know, once it's ashes... but it's not like there's only one. We got a bunch of them. Really we do! Somebody thought to make a backup or two.

Pursuit of happiness: Ah-ha! This one seems a bit trickier. Yes, it seems that way until you really pay close attention to the word "pursuit." See, people might say, "yes, burning the flag makes me unhappy!" BUT, the problem there, Sparky, is that it's your "pursuit" of happiness that is guaranteed, not actual happiness itself. So, tell me how does me making a torch out of Betsy Ross's brainchild prevent you from searching this great wide open world for that elusive bitch we call happiness? I mean, nobody says you have to watch. Go somewhere else, because if I'm burning flags then your happiness just took the last train to Outta Here Town.

"But burning that flag is disrespect for this country and brings down the morale of the BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

Guess what, that is an abstract that is in no way measurable, and in NO WAY protected by law. Life is measurable. Are we alive or are we dead? Liberties are quantifiable. How many things are you allowed to do, according to the law? Pursuit of happiness is, again, trickier. It's not quantifiable, per se, but ask yourself: am I allowed to pursue happiness? So far, the answer in the USA is "yes."

Now ask yourself:

How is the nation's morale?
Are U.S. citizens respectful enough?
Is the flag as sacred as it should be?

Can you give me a number? A percentage? No. That stuff is all subjective. It's all a matter of opinion. Essentially this is an attempt to make a legal mandate about an opinion.

Hmmm.... morale and opinions being regulated by the state. What does that sound like? The soviets? Or was it Orwells's 1984? Hell, you know, I think it might have been both.

I'm sorry, but if this thing really happens, I am rounding up a big bag o' flags and heading to Mesa City Hall with a zippo and a smile.