Poop Shute

"Hi Officer."

Friday night I was at a party at Brett's house. At said party I ran into a friend who is a big pot-head. After some brief socializing inside she came over to me and made the international sign for "wanna go smoke?" You know what I mean; she mimed as if she had a joint in her hand with a questioning look on her face. So her and I and a few others went out to her car and sparked up.

After a little bit the others went inside and she and I were left alone. We chatted a bit and then she said she had to use the restroom. I asked if she wanted to go back to the party, or if I should just wait there. She said to wait there. Cool.

A minute or so after she went inside I started seeing a bright light just a little ways up the street. I couldn't tell what the hell it was at first, but then it clicked. It was a cop walking up the street shining his flashlight into the windows of cars... and he was making his way straight towards me!

At first I panicked. I thought "should I run?" No, he'd just chase me, and that would be bad. My only option is to stay right where I was and play it calm and respectful and hope he doesn't notice that I'm stoned. The good news was I wasn't that stoned, just a little bit. Next thing I know the flashlight is shining directly in my face through the driver's side window.

"Hi Officer." I started off the conversation sounding a little confused and surprised, but not scared. Thank god I'm an actor.

"What are you doing?" He asked in that stern and serious tone that cops get.

"I was a little too drunk to drive, so I thought it would be safer to take a nap in the car." Damn, can I think fast or what? Now I look responsible.

"Mm-hmm. It's not a good idea to sit in the car."

"Would you prefer I went back inside?" I asked in an I'm-helpful sort of tone.

"Yes. I think that's a good idea."

"Okay. Sure." I said as I got out of the car. As I closed the car door he came over to where I was standing, took a sniff and then looked me directly in the eye.

"It's also not a good idea to smoke pot." As those words passed his lips I could feel my intestines twist up and every hair on my neck stand straight up on end. I wanted to burst into tears, but the actor in me retained control.

"That's good advice officer." I said as I returned his level stare. He made no move to arrest or search me, so I said "Thank you, sir. You have a good night" and walked back towards Brett's house.