Poop Shute

Office Maximus

So, I started a new job with a new corporate mazzuh'.

I have no love for big business, or it's ways of operating.

Last night my cash register was perfect. To the penny it was dead on. My manager, Patty, was so excited she came running out of the office and gave me a high five. Then proceeded to happily brag to all the other employees on my behalf as if I had just cured cancer with my cash-handling skills.

Yippy-skippy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I will do my best every shift, but pardon me if I don't get excited when my greatest accomplishment of the night was not f**king up, you know?

Her little parade of me was meant to make me feel good about myself, but it just served to further alienate from this place. It made me realize that there are those that actually enjoy this kind of work and need to be told they are doing well. Some people thrive on it. And Patty is one of those. And being one of those people, Patty assumes everyone else is too. So, when she was dancing around and singing my cash-register-praises she assumed that I would appreciate it.

It's nice to know I'm doing my job, but all the display just made me feel how much I don't enjoy this work, or the kudos from my superiors. It makes me feel like this:

Patty: Yay! You're so great! I hope me telling you how great you are makes you feel a little better about how small a percent of our income you make. I mean today this location alone pulled in somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000. I hope you enjoy the $55 you made today. You know, after taxes of course. Just remember, you rule! Here's a high-five!

I don't know. This could be just me and my preconceived hatred for corporate America and everything it stands for. What's funny is I'm a total hypocrite. I shop almost exclusively at corporate stores.

I love their decent prices, but I hate their operation practices. I love their huge selection but I hate their lame-ass "mission statements." I hate their way of taking empowerment away from employees and putting it into the hands of a faceless name like "corporate headquarters."

Most importantly I hate that nearly ALL of them make you wear f**king khakis and a polo shirt.

I hate khakis and polos most of all. After five years of Blockbuster Video I'll never be able to wear khakis socially again. Polos maybe. With jeans. But NO khakis. NEVER AGAIN!

shuddder