Monday, September 20, 2004

Last night I dreamt I was on a "spaceplane." The spaceplane, as it appeared in my dream, is from the books of Kim Stanley Robinson in his Red Mars trilogy. He didn't create it, but it's certainly where my subconcious borrowed the idea from. It's essentially just what it sounds like; a plane that lands and takes off from a runway, but is built to be able to fly up out of the atmosphere.

In the dream the plane was in orbit just high enough that you had a clear view of a large portion of the planet and all the stars too. Two of the main characters from the books, Sax Russell and Maya Toitovna were explaining to me how some panel-thingy in the floor worked.

Suddenly, the ship accelerated and lurched upwards, and with a grinding noise we stopped moving, tipped forward with agonizing slowness and then we were plummeting straight down in a horrible tailspin. Terror started to strangle my chest as my heart rate leaped up... and right then a thought occured to me.

I am safe and sound in my bed.

With that my eyes gently opened. Instantly I felt better and drifted right back to sleep

Huh.

I have had my share of nightmares before, but they have never been easy to escape. Never. Sometimes I will keep repeating "it's only a dream" like some panicked mantra and I'll try concentrating on forcing my eyes in real life to open. I'll do this for what seems like several minutes. By the time I do wake up the physical response to the imagined horrors is very real. I'm sweating, panting and sometimes screaming.

I wonder why it was so easy this time. Or what it means.

Maybe it means I've matured. Maybe it's a sign that I have finally mastered some fears that used to master me. Oh, like my claustrophobia, or my fear of intimacy, or my fear of abandonment... or maybe my irrational fear of those little plastic thingys on the ends of shoelaces!

Or maybe it's just a fluke.

Who knows.

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