Poop Shute

Hooray!

IT'S MY BLOGGER-VERSARY!

Who knew?

Certainly not me. I didn't even think about it until I saw MULK'S the other day.

It seems I promised a big retrospective, with new pictures, and new jokes... and a couple good shots at Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity, just for good measure...

Lord K: Greetings to all ye fans of thy great Land of Poop. I, Lord J Knucklehead, your humble servant do--

Joey: Dude! Where the hell have you been?

Lord K: Gasp! Who dares interrupt me? AND who takes such a tone with his lordship?!?!

Joey: ... I do.

Lord K: And just who are you, boy?

Joey: Look, don't get all prissy with me, man. I've been trying to keep this place going with filler for months now. People only started coming here to read your incoherant rantings, and suddenly you up and left. You left me with nothing but whining about politics and my personal life. What's up with that?

Lord K: I don't have to answer to you, lowly... lowly... just what do you do around here, anyway?

Joey: Ha ha. I'm glad you asked. I'm the writer around here. And you actually do have to answer to me. I'm typing everything you say. You have no life, no thought without me.

Lord K: That's preposterous! If you are really in control then make me say something stupid. I am BROCCOLI, I have IQ of 7!!! ....GASP! YE GODS, It's true!

Joey: That's right.

Lord K: All right. You win this round, lad. But I will have my revenge! No I won't, I'm an ass. ...STOP THAT!

Joey: Fine, fine. Can I get on with the retrospecitive now?

Lord K: Very well, very well.

Joey: Thank you. Well, here goes:

It's been a big year, no? In the past year I've had a lot of firsts.

Valley Youth Theatre hired me to do my first three professional sound designs. My work on Hobbit was great, if I do say so myself. It is my favorite piece I've ever designed. They brought me back for Pinnochio and Charlie Brown. The pay was pretty crappy, but I did win myself my first Zoni for Pinnochio. Not exactly a prestigious award, but it looks good on a resume.

I appeared in my first professional film. Neo-nazi and all around good ol' boy, Albany Gavin, is probably one of the strangest roles I've ever played. For the most part I just tried to sound as obnoxious and ignorant as I could every time I talked. Albany mostly came to life through a series of gestures I created to help me feel like him. First I always, and I mean ALWAYS, left my mouth hanging open with my lower lip jutting out a little. I pushed my head forward on my neck and drooped my shoulders. Once I established his bad posture and oblivious expression it was easy to slip in and out of it.

For the first time in my life I left North America. London, England was my home for two glorious weeks and I had the time of my life. I saw rooms and rooms full of classic, priceless art. I met some of the coolest people on earth. I ate piles and piles of extremely good food... with the exception of the pizza. (shudder) NEVER eat pizza in England. They really have no idea what they are doing with marinara. Too friggin' sweet. Yech!

What else... OH, for the first time ever I am engaged. Still haven't gotten used to the tasted of that phrase. Don't get me wrong, it's a good taste, just new.

And for the first time since leaving high school I made less than $3000 all year long.

All in all it was a good year. Some good times. Some bad. Some...

Lord K: Yes, yes! That's all lovely. Here's what I'd like to know; you say that I am merely an extension of you, correct?

Joey: Yes.

Lord K: I could not do anything or say anything without you having written it first?

Joey: Correct.

Lord K: Then why am I so stand-offish to you, eh? Why is it that we don't get along? And why, if I am your creation did you write me interrupting you just now?

Joey: Well--

Lord K: I mean that seems pretty hackneyed to me. You can't write a decent conclusion so you invoke a tired little device like being interrupted by your own character? That just seems--grk!

******TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY*****

Joey: Ladies & Gentlemen, I bring you bad news. Our dear Lord Knucklehead sadly met his end today--

Lord K: No I didn't, I'm only wounded. How incompetent a writer are you? You can't even kill off--grk!

Joey: Thank you ladies and gentlemen, and goodnight!

Lord K: What do you mean, good--grk!