Poop Shute

Last night a friend said to me that he feels that English is the most aesthetically pleasing language.

I know this is only a matter of opinion, and completely subjective and therefore unarguable, but I had to disagree.

Here's my opinion.

English, like any and all languages is capable of being beautiful and expressive when used by a master.

And also like any language it can sound lumbering and brutish in the hands of a fool.

So, discounting individual use of a language I will only evaluate a language by the texture of the sound produced by its speakers.

French, for example, has a smooth liquidity and flow that English sorely lacks.

Italian, Gaelic and to a lesser extent Spanish have an almost musicality in their rhythm and tempo that I deeply enjoy. English speech has never sounded even slightly musical to my ears... unless of course somebody is singing it.

Even German, while guttural and harsh seems to convey a very powerful and very masculine feeling to me. English sounds powerful and masculine too... but only if you shout it at the top of your lungs.

If I had to pick a favorite I would have to say it's a tie between Italian and French. They are both inherently very sexy languages, but for different reasons.

I'm like Gomez Addams that way; you could say "I will feed you feces and grind your nuts into a fine powder" and it would totally turn me on... as long as you said it in French or Italian.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt if Monica Belucci or Virginie Ledoyen is the one saying it either.