Poop Shute

Viva Las Vegas

Part 2

Ah, Vegas; where the streets are paved with porn and the mental patients are confined safely behind the wheel of a cab.

For those who have never been, and those who just don't remember I shall explain both statements.

The cab driver thing is pretty self-explanatory. I always hate to generalize, but in this case I'm happy to. I have yet to find an exception to this rule. All Vegas cabbies are insane. They drive like bats out of hell in HEAVY traffic. They honk if you don't start moving the very instant the light is green. They cut off, they curse, and they nearly hit pedestrians without so much as a "sorry" wave out the window. And I know that last one first hand. I nearly got nailed in the hip with a rear-view mirror when I was at the tail-end of a Walk signal turning to Don't Walk. And I say only "nearly" because I saw him coming. Had I been some less attentive person he would've broken my hip and probably kept on going.

The porn thing takes a little more description than that. As you're walking up and down the strip, as everyone does, there are people that will stand on corners, under street lights, or anywhere they can fit. These people have large paper-boy style bags around their necks FULL to the brim with free porn. This porn comes in two common forms. One form (the more common of the two) is a little baseball-card sized picture of some hot chick showing off her assets. These will always have the girl's "name" and a number that you can call to supposedly talk to that same girl. The other form is a pamphlet or magazine containing idetical imagery.

So these people stand there slapping a copy of their baseball card or magazine into their open hand to make some noise to catch your attention. Some even mumble or shout things. The mumblers and shouters are usually imcomprehensible to most people because it's usually spanish. Not to say that all mexicans are people who hand out free porn, but (from my experience anyway) all people handing out the free porn are mexicans.

Many people will take these things either not knowing what hey're grabbed, or out of curiosity or both. Most of these people won't walk more than five feet before they abandon them on the pavement. So just about everywhere you step your walking on porn.

One of these wily mexicans got the better of me this time around. Usually I just walk on by without making eye-contact, so I don't have to say "no thanks" 1200 times. This time was no different. BUT this time I had a bag from Banana Republic in my hand. One of these cunning little porn-pushers stuck a a card in while I wasn't looking. Here she is for your viewing pleasure.

Sorry boys, I had to cover up the goods. You never know when somebody might be offended by a little nip. Look at that whole Janet Jackson fiasco.

The End Of An Era

Those that are close to me know that the dice like me. I always play craps, and I always win. I have been playing craps since I was fifteen and my cousin Mike taught me to play street craps at his birthday party. Keeping in mind this is one dollar bets, and street-style betting. I walked away with fifty bucks of his friends' money.

That was just the beginning. Since hitting 21 I've been to Vegas somewhere near seven or eight times, and every time I walk away three hundred bones richer. No more. No less. $300 every time. That's easily over two grand lifetime winnings.

I wish I could say this time was no different. Actually I wish I could tell you this time was WAY different and I cleared another two G's in one night. This is sadly not the case.

I got up as high as $150 above where I started, and called it a night there, but knowing full well that Lady Luck still had $150 in store for me. Or so I thought. The next time I hit the tables I went in for $220 and watched it disppear in about an hour. All told I dropped $70 and I dropped it record time for me. I'll usually spend five hours or more at one table until I hit my quota. Less than one hour, and I was smoked.

The one time I kind of actually need some extra money. It figures.

More later.