Poop Shute

Flashback

Brace yourself for a long one.

I just watched a movie tonight with Meg. It's called Better Luck Tomorrow. Not too great in case you were wondering. It takes place during the main character's high school years, and the scene when he gets to sit next to the girl of his dreams made me have a sudden memory attack of my first experience with love... in 3rd grade. :)

Her name was Melissa Novak. It's funny how not only the full name, but every other detail of your first love sticks in your brain. We had been in the same class every year since kindergarten, and she barely knew my name. But I was crazy about her.

So, the years rolled by and Melissa remained blissfully ignorant of my affections. At times I'd try to talk to her, but she seemed to have this curious effect on me. Whenever she looked into my eyes I began to speak something that sounded vaguely like the garbled murmerings of your wingmen in StarFox on the original SuperNES. "Beh bah beh boh be." I'm sure it wasn't quite so dramatically stupid, but the imagination of my child brain will make the memory worse than it is. Anyway, fast forward to the summer before 3rd grade, when to my dismay my parents announced we're moving to Arizona. Having lived here since then, I still have to wonder what the hell they were thinking. As I wept over this cataclysmic change to my entire world they told me we'd be leaving about a month into the school year.

The school year began like any other. It's funny; from what I recall, I was a drama queen even then. I imagined myself a death-row inmate each time I walked the halls of the school. Each classroom door I passed was no longer a class but a cell, holding large, frightening men named Bubba and Skid who were there for killing men, or worse. As I strolled the halls I could here the principal bellowing out from behind me "MOVED MAN WALKING!"

As was usual in elementary school we were seated in a seating chart. Most of my previous teacher's charts were seemingly random, and arbitrary. But not this teacher. This teacher was either lazier, or more conventional, whatever. She sat us alphabetically. We stood around the edge of the room as she marched up the aisles pointing at desks and calling out names.

"Ryan Laramie.... Susan Martin.... Nate McCleary...."

My name was coming up, and I noticed something that made my heart jump a little...

"Joseph Moore..."

I have known all these kids for a couple years now, and THERE ARE NO MORE M-NAMES... and only one N-name...

"Melissa Novak." Holy sweet mother of god in heaven, YES! I was going to be sitting next to the prettiest girl in school...

Damn.

I would be sitting next to her for a month, and then gone. Oh well, live for the now! So, we sit down. This school had those desks with the hinged top that you can put all your supplies in. Melissa couldn't get hers open, and when I effortlessly popped it open for her, she put her hand briefly on mine and smiled. "Thank you." Let's just assume that I managed a "your welcome" and move on, shall we?

So, the month rolls by uneventfully. My last day of school at Maerker Elementary I went out to the playground on a mission. You see, my parents were coming to pick me up just after lunch to make the drive out to AZ. So, for me, this recess was kind like my last meal. "MOVED MAN WALKING!"

I run out to the sand and start playing with the enthusiasm of boy who has never seen a sandbox before. Some jerk kid (bully) tried to pick a fight, and seeing as it was my last day I let him. He threw a shove, which was pretty typical by playground fighting standards. I threw a punch. This kid picked on me for years, and I was never going to see him again, so I figured 'fuck it.' He went down and the recess monitor came running over. See, this was in the day when fighting got you a talking to, and maybe a time out. It's not like it is now, after Columbine and all that. Now, you fight and they press charges, and maybe somebody gets hit with a civil suit.

So jerkass goes to the nurse, and I get my butt planted on a bench five minutes into my last recess. EVER. I pleaded with the lady that this was my last one. My pleas fell on deaf ears.

As I'm sitting there, grumbling "he started it" to myself, Melissa came running up to the recess monitor crying her eyes out. It was hard to make it out around the sobs but I caught that she lost a ring. Something about it belonging to her dead grandma. I start looking around the ground nearby, and almost instantly a glint caught my eye. I calmly got up off my bench and walked right over to it. The monitor lady starts yelling commands at me. I couldn't really hear her over the rushing of blood in my ears, but it was something about "where do you think you're..." and "...young man!" I picked up the ring and quietly walked back toward her and Melissa.

The monitor lady cut herself off in mid-sentence as I extended my hand to her sobbing charge. When she saw the ring, Melissa lit up like somebody just plugged her in. She took it, and knocked me off my feet in a big hug. After the recess monitor helped us back to our feet, she hugged me again and did something that I will never forget my whole life. She took my face in one hand and kissed me on the cheek. With that she ran off to show her friends that she had gotten her ring back. As I slowly lifted my hand to touch the lucky cheek the recess lady patted my shoulder with a friendly gesture and said " That was very nice of you." She hesitated a second. "Go on. It's your last day. Go play." I still couldn't move, but it didn't matter. With my hand still on my cheek I heard the horn of the family station wagon summoning me to my fate.