Poop Shute

Distressing News

Lord Knucklhead himself called an emergency press conference early this morning to anounce the following.

Lord K: Citizens of The Commonwealth of Poop, I come before you today with three pieces of important news. One strange and disturbing, and two glorious and exciting.

As standard practice dictates I shall bear the bad tidings first.
Ahem. On this day, in the something something year of Poop our security has been breached by...

a pervert.

I must say that I was as shocked as you are. Last night in the wee hours before midnight my chief security officer, Admiral Smiley, burst in to my bed chamber with shocking news. As I cannot bring myself to repeat this news, I shall hand this over to him. Admiral.


Admiral Smiley: Thank you, your highness. It is my duty to inform you that at approximately oh-seven-hundred hours (through the use of a highly advanced and sinister Trojan Google) a very sick individual managed to gain access to this great and sacred land of ours. Our radar detected The Google with the following search message written across its tell-tale banner.

Fat

Sweaty

Druids

That's right folks. I said "fat sweaty druids." I will draw your attention to the Poop Shute Press's January 30th, 2004 issue. You will note that all three words appear, in that order, yet seperated by many other words with various other meanings.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what does this mean to me? Well, I'll tell you what it means to you, you slimey maggots! It means we need to beef up our forces around here! It means round the clock surveilance, and a budget for the coming fiscal year that includes a built in $978,453,638,983.07 deficit to pay for a military upgrade. I mean with our growing economy we should have it paid off by 2089. And another thing-

Lord K: Um, Smiley-

Admiral Smiley: We're going to increase our watchfullness of lewd, crude, and cheeky phrases around here. I mean, yeah, okay, the words were separated, but did that stop this drooling druid-fetishist weirdo from finding us? NO, IT DIDN'T.

Lord K: Smiley, really now. You've over-stepped your-

Admiral Smiley: We must censor ourselves. CENSORSHIP, I SAY!!!

Lord K: What?!

Admiral Smiley: It's the only way to protect ourselves! AND WE MUST ATTACK THE ZOMBITORIUM!!!

Lord K: Smiley! Now that is simply uncalled fo-

Admiral Smiley: A PREEMPTIVE STRIKE BEFORE THEY EAT OUR BRAINS!!! I MEAN YOU KNOW THEY WANT IT--

It's hard to say exactly what happened here, but by the end Lord Knucklehead had mustered fully one half of his military strangth (his t-ball bat, seeing as Fred is still in recovery after last week's coup) and subdued the now frothing Admiral Smiley. Only time will tell whether or not Smiley still has a future with His Highness's cabinet... or if he has a first name for that matter. His Highness closed with this.

Lord K: My apologies for that. Please disregard most of it. The druid thing was true, but please forget the rest. It is best for all concerned.

Anyway, in the lighter news: we have two new friends to our great land to announce. Firstly, we have a new friend from Far Off Lands. She is known to me as Angel, but I shall grant her the honorary title of The Lady Angel, Duchess of Poop. The road to her lands can be seen directly to the left. And the other new friend is known only to us by reference, not by any direct contact.
You may remember Advice Girl mentioned on the blog of The Gurg Of... of... well, to tell you the truth I've never been clear on what The Gurg is The Gurg of but whatever it is, I'm sure it's pretty sweet. Anyway, she is currently accepting emails. Those of you inclined to do so can send her your questions and check her blog for replies. Her email is theonlyadvicegirl@yahoo.com and her blog is also to the left. Please email her, as I think it is the only thing that will make her sad existance bareable for her. She just needs some attention.