Poop Shute

Forgiveness Returns

The last few years I have both been hurt a lot, and left my fair share of hurt in my wake. I learned a lot about myself, relationships and human nature in general. I have also learned a lot of lessons about forgiveness. These themes are nothing new if you've been reading throughout this period.

Last night I was reading the latest issue of Yoga Journal, and there was an article all about forgiveness. I would like to share some insightful nuggets with you now.

Yoga Journal issue 212 August 2008, pg 55

By Sally Kempton

"...the basic fact that forgiveness is not something you do solely for the person who hurt you. It is something you do for yourself, for the sake of your own inner freedom. You forgive so that you can live in the present instead of being stuck in the past. You forgive because your grievances and grudges - even more than hopes and attachments and fears - bind you to the old patterns, old identities, and especially old stories.

"Think of the person you don't really want to forgive: a parent, an ex-lover, a teacher, a betraying friend. Maybe you believe that to forgive the person means you're excusing their wrong or that holding onto your anger somehow gives you back the power that their offense took away."

" 'I'm this way because s/he did that to me!' you say - he or she being that unloving parent, unfaithful lover, etc. The problem is, when you hold on to the grievance you also hold on to its shadow belief: 'I must be flawed in some way to have attracted this hurt.' "

The author shared a fairly well-known story of a woman whose son was beaten to death by another boy. The killer was convicted and sentenced to a long prison term. After the trial the woman asked to see him in his holding cell, to have the satisfaction of seeing him suffer. When she was ushered in, he was sobbing on the floor in the corner. He had no friends, no family, and no hope. She was moved to tears herself and actually gave the boy a hug. She said in that moment she didn't see her son's killer, she saw him only as somebody's son. Right then she let go of the hurt and rage and has since felt perfectly at peace. She doesn't know where the moment came from within her, but she treasures it regardless.

Wow. Stories like that kind of make one feel like all one's own grudges are small and petty by comparison, no? I know mine do. Just reading that story helped me let what little I was still holding on to go. I can physically feel the difference in myself.

I can't stop smiling.

COMMENTS

Forgiveness at any level can be a powerful thing for yourself. I really liked this entry. The quotes are great and I was moved to tears by just the synopsis of that story. I'm glad you are freeing yourself of some grudges and negativity. Bess 07.26.08 - 2:20 pm

I don't know if you've tried it, but vengeance is also pretty satisfying. Guillermo 07.27.08 - 7:04 am

Petty and passive aggressive vengeance also works well. Flaming bags of dog poop at someone's door step is a classic example of this. If that doesn't make you feel good then I don't know what would. therealdavid 07.28.08 - 9:41 pm

Beautiful entry. Sometimes we hold on to the smallest stuff and a story like the one in your entry make me realize how anything i've ever held on to has not come close to what the woman had to deal with. I recently found I was still holding onto things that shouldn't bother me anymore. Yep, this was helpful. Forgiveness feels amazing. It's just working toward that goal that's sometimes a little difficult. Lenka 08.03.08 - 11:59 am