Poop Shute

Rumors

A little less than a year ago a vicious rumor began circulating. It involved me cheating on my girlfriend at the time with someone I had not even seen since before I entered the relationship. I followed the rumor back to two people. It originated between the supposed other girl, and a friend named Paul. They each lay the blame at the other one's feet, but regardless of who started it, we established that it was not true. I thought we put it to rest back then, but it came up again when we were having relationship issues more recently, and for some crazy reason when asked about it, Paul said that the story was true.

In the weeks since the relationship ended I had been thinking about Paul, and what he had said to my now ex-girlfriend. Then I started to think about the implications and his motivations. He claims he heard this other girl bragging about having nailed me. But in the immediate aftermath of this supposed conversation he went and told all of our mutual friends, but didn't think to come to me or my girlfriend. He was supposed to be our friend, both of us. If he was a friend to either one of us, he would have come to one of us about it.

And then he has the nerve to act as though he only had my girlfriend's best interest at heart when he more recently confirmed it for her. If he was really only telling her because he thought it was in her best interests, why didn't he do that from the start? And here is the real kicker folks; yesterday, he confessed to me in an email that he never believed that I slept with the other girl, saying that he knows I have "more refined taste" in women than that.

I'm going to repeat that: HE DOES NOT BELIEVE IT. What?! If that's true then why tell everyone that you know about it!? WHY CONFIRM THAT IT'S TRUE TO THE WOMAN I LOVE!? I mean jesus, with the other issues going on her head, I'm sure the impact of that revelation was huge and HE DIDN'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT HE WAS TELLING HER. My reputation was already struggling to recover from my own mistakes, and he knew that. So why spread a story that he didn't even believe that he had to know would be damaging to me and my relationship? Why do that? For fvck's sake.

I have never seen any rumor cause more damage and drama than this in my life. There are still old friends of mine who really believe it and are still not talking to me. In the end it's Paul's word against the other girl's word as to where it started. They both will say up and down that they recognize that the story was never true, but they each attach the creation of it to the other.

It would be easy to pin down who made it up, if I could find the bias. If I could see where either one of them would benefit from making up such a story, it would make sense. But I just can't see where it would help either one of them. Was she making sh*t up to try and make Paul jealous, like he seems to imply? In that scenario, it was never about me and my relationship, we were just collateral damage. Or is he just a lying manipulator like she's trying to claim? Or was he trying to throw a monkey wrench in because he had a history with my girlfriend, and didn't like seeing her happy with somebody else? Neither of those stories really makes sense when I consider the people involved. But then again, maybe I just don't know them as well as I thought I did.

I will never know. I can't ever know. I have to let the whole thing go, but I hate the not knowing. There is no way for me to ever know the truth, and that boggles my mind. It's he said she said. I'd like to consider both of them my friends, but someone is lying to me.

The saddest bit for me is the damage is done, and can't be undone, no matter how many times I get them both to affirm that the story was never true, I am still suffering the consequences.