Original posting date: Monday, January 07, 2008
(reposted to delete comments)
posted by Joey on 6:45 PM
Up and Down and Up and Down
I know I've got to start putting me back together for my own sake. Some days I wake up and I feel good about this chance to spend some time alone and grow on my own. But not most days.
Most days I feel the same as I did two months ago.
I've been punishing myself for several weeks now. I've been denying myself all the things that I know will help me feel better. Exercise, meditation, reading, writing, etc. I just keep telling myself that I don't have the energy for any of it, but I think what it really amounts to is I'm punishing myself.
I think part of me sees what has been happening these past two months as my punishment, and I keep thinking that if I can weather this storm that we will be okay again. And maybe we will, but this storm isn't going to blow over for a long long time, and if I continue to punish myself I'm just going to lose my sanity.
If there is a light at the end of this tunnel I have to walk towards it on my feet, not crawl towards it on my knees. The tooth thing still has me kinda on my ass, but once I'm up and about I've got to force myself to take steps forward. Nobody else is going to do it for me.
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