Day of Days

I had a conversation recently about the concept of my "ideal day."

The idea is you write out a description of what the best day of your life would be like. You plan out every little detail of what the day would be like if you had complete control over it all and money is no issue. You pick and choose everything that you would do, and everything that you would have down to any minute detail that you deem important enough to be mentioned. You write the whole thing out and then make that your aim for everyday.

We all know that every single day won't live up to the ideal. We are not in complete control of our days sometimes. Many days other factors push us into directions we did not plan on, and would not call ideal. BUT the goal is to make each and every day you live as close as you can manage to the ideal. And why not? Why bother living life at all if you're not striving for your ideal every time you get out of bed?

I like it.

It's something I've been kicking around in my head for the past few days. Probably should be popping up in my meditations, but oddly enough has not yet. But to be totally honest my meditating skills are rough at best. I need more practice. Focusing and quieting the mind is more difficult than most people think.

Maybe one day soon I will write a post entitled My Ideal Day. But not yet. There are too many variables that I'm kicking around to define that day yet.

I'll tell you this much, it starts by waking up next to the love of my life and enjoying a lovely session of Wake-Up Sex, followed by a shower that follows a strict No Self-Soaping Rule that will be posted as a metal sign on the bathroom wall.

Then a light breakfast of veggie egg-white omelettes, whole wheat toast, (slathered in homemade apple butter, of course) cottage cheese with fresh fruit and green tea.

That's about as far as I've gotten. It's also light on the details though. Like where do I wake up? A lovely cliffside house overlooking my own private beach? A huge luxury penthouse apartment in New York? And what about the pets that wake up at our feet? Like Henry and Guinness and the half St Bernard half Rotty mix that I spoil and named Charlie Mack (the name comes from a song that Will Smith wrote as The Fresh Prince about his close friend and bodyguard... don't judge me, it's a fun song).

Now I'm meandering. I will write more about it when I have all that ironed out.

Speaking of Charlie Mack, have I posted my Charlie Mack story on here before? When I literally ran headlong into him and DJ Jazzy Jeff in London? Anyone remember? If I haven't, let me know, because it's a good story.

COMMENTS:

I'd say you have a pretty good start there...ideal, if I may. But I sure hope you've got a ginormous bed with the menagerie you plan on taking to bed with you
Lenka 01.31.07 - 8:32 pm

California King, of course!
Joey 02.01.07 - 2:36 am

HA, I always knew you were jealous of my Cal King!
Kim 02.01.07 - 10:19 pm

You could always just push two big beds together.....
AmBam 02.02.07 - 12:47 am

Been there, AmBam. It's unpleasant at the very least. Especially when the bed is on wheels
Crohn 02.02.07 - 12:09 pm

The only problem I have with this is that my best days have been fly by the seat of your pants kind of days. You wake up when you wake up and you do whatever you do with whoever you're with. Don't get me wrong, you know I'm a detail oriented planner, but the days that are open to whatever comes next are incomparable.
Jessica 02.02.07 - 11:50 pm

Very true, Jess, I agree wholeheartedly, but I think the exercise still works with that attitude as well.
The idea isn't that you are writing a rigid plan that must be followed in order for your day to be perfect, at least that is not how I see it. I see it as writing a very detailed short story that you can use as a snapshot for the type of life you want to lead in general. This way you've got a very clear and very real-to-you set of goals.
You dig?
Joey 02.04.07 - 3:53 am

Damn it, after I hit ENTER, I came up with more to say.
Also, in your personal story of your perfect day you could write that into it. Write into it that you have large windows of time that are available for "seat of the pants" time, but maybe allow yourself room to play with it on paper. You know, like throw down some suggestions of what that time might be spent doing that you enjoy. You could even make a long list of possible activities that might or might not occur on your perfect day.
The key, as I see it, was that you are very clear and specific about the things that are important to you. For me, as you saw, a romantic relationship is important. A healthy breakfast is important. Finding out that stuff and defining it on paper for yourself makes it one step closer to reality.
I'm rambling. Sorry. I just think this exercise has so much potential.
Joey 02.04.07 - 4:00 am

Perhaps once you finish your "ideal day" and start making decisions based on whether or not they fit into the scope of it, you'll realize life isn't as hard as you make it sometimes. Just my thoughts...because like you, I think the exercise is phenomenal...which makes sense since I gave you the idea.
Lenka 02.05.07 - 5:01 pm

Now that you have finally figured out the crap in your head and you're happy again...hopefully you will be able to add new things to your ideal day...but keep the Cal King thing...that's a staple. I still think you should keep one kitten since you'll have room for it in bed.
Kim 02.06.07 - 5:09 pm

It's The Simple Pleasures That Keep Me Going

Everyone has those funny little things that we love. For some of us it's watching the creamer swirling into our coffee in a beautiful liquid ballet. For some it's the smell of a new car.

I love both of those, but for me the real joy is when business signs burn out in ways that make them say things other than what they were designed to say.

Tonight I was driving past the GREAT CLIPS that is just down the road. Their sign was burnt out so that it seemed more like a place to purchase ammo than it otherwise would.

G AT CLIPS

"But DaaaaAAAAaaad! I want to go to Gat Clips! They're having a special on the new Glock 9. Pleeeeease?!"

There's also the doctor over near my parents' house that has a private practice. His sign reads FAMILY MEDICINE when it is working properly.

FAM INE

"It's an idle tuesday night and you just have too much friggin' food lying around. Head on down to FAMINE and enjoy a nice time of not eating for a while."

Lord knows America could benefit from a little of that. Not actual famine, but maybe a little time spent not eating. That's not criticism, just... food for thought.

HA! I love puns too. Chalk that up on the list. Funny signs and puns.

Last, but certainly not least, is the Japanese fast food place around the corner from my first college apartment. Normally the sign said GOURMET WOK, but through an unfortunate burnout it ended up being a slur that was a little too close to the mark.

GO OK

Yes. It said gook. I have no joke about that one. It just is what it is.

By the way, I have not made any of these up. All of them actually occurred and they tickle my funny bone to no end.

Anybody else ever seen any good ones?

COMMENTS:

Just the burn outs of waffle house signs can keep me entertained for hours. The best being AFLE HO (which to most of their clientele spells awful ho). I like misspelled signs - cause you know something like 40 people approved it before it got made. CITY VEHICILES ONLY is among my favorites.
AmBam 01.31.07 - 10:11 am

I don't know of any burnouts I can remember, but the Salvation Army donation center near my work has this posted on their front door: "Salvation Army - Entry in Rear"
It really writes itself, doesn't it?
Randy 01.31.07 - 12:08 pm

There was the good ol' F*ck Stop on I-10 coming out of LA. Some creative bulb outages on the "Tr" of truck caused that one.
Crohn 01.31.07 - 2:44 pm

I've been lazy these past several days.

Not literally... er, well, both literally and figuratively, but right now I'm referring to figuratively.

I'm literally lazy for the obvious reason that I'm stuck in bed with little physical activity leaving me dizzy and winded.

I'm figuratively lazy because I'm supposed to be spending this time delving. I'm supposed to be writing more in my journal, meditating, exploring my fears and my pain.

I have been doing none of that. Instead I have been hanging out with friends and playing video games.

It is time to bust out the good ol' paper journal. The analog answer to the blog. The place where I write my more private thoughts. Not necassarily the stuff I don't want you to read, but more than likely the stuff that you wouldn't want to read.

Wish me luck.

You've Got To Be %$#@ Kidding Me!

Chicken Pox?!

Really?

WTF?



Apparently it's that time of year again. You know, that time of year when you've got to sacrifice a hoofed animal in the name of whatever god you pissed off.

COMMENTS:

Have you never had Chicken Pox before?
Crohn 01.22.07 - 5:22 pm

LOL...if you think his face is bad you should see his back...
Kim 01.22.07 - 8:02 pm

Awww, poor thing. I hope you are feeling at least a little better.
Bess 01.22.07 - 9:02 pm

hey! we have related diseases!
Mollie 01.23.07 - 12:20 am

Oh my god. Every single person (without exception) always responds with an incredulous asking of:
"Haven't you had it before?!"
Yes I did. A small case at the age of about 9.
Here's the thing. Though it is highly unlikely that you will get it again, it is always possible. Sometimes it can resurface as shingles, but shingles hits mostly people over the age of 50, and it tends to hit a small localized area, like just the head, or just around the waist for example. Mine is EVERYWHERE, so it is definitely full-blown chicken pox.
If you don't believe me that it's possible, ask Jon and Ryan. They both had it twice as well.
Joey 01.23.07 - 12:35 am

If chicken pox strikes you a third time, is it called turkey pox? Three strikes in a row. WOOO! Alright. Well, I had to get it out.
Ben Siemon 01.23.07 - 1:45 am

My immune system is superior to all! Bow before me and all my anti-viral anti-bacterial goodness!
Crohn 01.23.07 - 12:17 pm

TURKEY POX! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is the best thing I have heard all week.
Leave it to Ben to make the best puns on earth.
Joey 01.23.07 - 2:52 pm

I heard that the rise in popularity of the vaccine is irradicating the lesser strains we all had in our youths and making way for stronger strains that we haven't already built antibodies for or some such thing. I just pretend to be a doctor...
Either way, babe, sucks for you - don't scratch and marr that pretty face, lol. *hugs* Feel better and definitely keep an eye on your temp - as I'm sure you already know how dangerous adult pox can be...much higher chance of brain damage etc.
Amber 01.24.07 - 1:05 pm

Whatever Jews you're keeping in your possession definitely need to be let go.
Are your sure that some article of clothing you own isn't made of a specified percentage of albatross feathers?
therealdavid 01.25.07 - 3:49 am

To join the chorus, I've also had it twice.
Wish I was closer, Joey. Not to take care of your sick ass, just so I could poke you with darts in your sleep. You probably wouldn't notice three or four more itchy, stingy spots on your face, but I would. I would know which spots were mine, and would laugh inside. Not outside, of course. That would arouse suspicion.
"Why are you laughing like a girl, Josh?"
"I always laugh like a girl."
"Yeah, but why are you laughing like a girl right now?"
"No, reason."
"You poked me with darts in my sleep didn't you?"
"Dammit!"
And so on.
Hagler 02.01.07 - 10:35 pm

Oh yeah, turkey pox was good. Genius, that Ben.
Hagler 02.01.07 - 10:35 pm

This one didn't happen to me, but...

It will never cease to amaze me what people are capable of.

We're all so good at rationalizing and justifying that sometimes we can do the ugliest things and still feel like they are perfectly warranted.

Here's a newsflash for everyone out there: doing hurtful things to friends is still wrong, even if you're doing it because they made you mad.

As cheesey and cliche as it is, two wrongs really don't make a right.

In my crazy little head, I seem to think that if someone you consider a friend does something to upset you, then the best course of action would be to confront them about it. Maybe you have an argument, maybe there is some yelling, but the key is communication. Honest communication. Not following through on that because you claim it would make things worse is just cowardice. Trust me, I know from experience.

Maybe you think I have that wrong. There is always room for other opinions, but it was a lesson I learned the hard way a long time ago. It was a lesson that almost lost me a friend, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

COMMENTS:

I agree %100.
Vega 01.23.07 - 9:21 pm

In the end, this did happen to me... again. The very same friend I mentioned almost losing has done it again. Hasn't spoken to me in months. Isn't that lovely?
Joey 06.03.07 - 4:00 pm

Holy Crap, I'm A Grandpa!

As of 7:30 pm on January 16th, 2007 my cat Guinness had four tiny black hamster-rats pop out.

They are still all four identical so far, so don't ask me which is which. I have no idea. Hell, all five of these could be of the same one, I don't know.











COMMENTS:

Congrats, Papa. Can't wait to see them in person.
Josh 01.18.07 - 3:38 am

I heard that everytime you post pictures of cute kittens on blogs another child learns to masterbate. Is that true?
Hagler 01.18.07 - 11:08 am

It may be true, but conducting the necessary research to confirm it would likely result in a long prison sentence.
Crohn 01.18.07 - 12:35 pm

Awwww!!! So adorable! I wish I could see them in person!
Bess 01.18.07 - 6:42 pm

Their adorableness is well captured by the photographer...very talented individual
Lenka 01.19.07 - 11:16 am

Not if you don't get caught. . .was that creepy? That was creepy, huh?
Hagler 01.19.07 - 2:15 pm

Not as creepy as volunteering to peer review.
Guillermo 01.20.07 - 4:26 am

I THINK THIS SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

(Link goes to a Youtube clip of Ryan and I doing the Austin Powers opening dance number.

We rule.)

COMMENTS:

You have to let me know when you guys do another one and i'll film that one too...you guys are awesome.
Kim 01.15.07 - 3:03 am

Aw....that's so much fun!
Ben Siemon 01.15.07 - 10:18 pm

Wow...I'm speechless...
Bess 01.16.07 - 11:43 pm

You guys should bring that act to San Francisco. I think you'd make some good friends here, if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, I mean you're gay. Which isn't a bad thing, don't get me wrong. Gay is often good. For instance, I felt very gay just watching you. And that's the kind of very gay that feels very good.
Brian Y. 01.17.07 - 12:36 am

Okay, that's weird. Brian didn't write that, I did. But I didn't write Brian Y in the "name" space. I think Brian might have hijacked my message when I wasn't looking. That's copyright infringment.
How did that happen? Seriously, that's strange.
Hagler 01.17.07 - 12:38 am

Hagler, what did it feel like to BE Brian? I bet it felt gooooood.
Crohn 01.18.07 - 3:38 am

Hagler,
As you most likely know, Haloscan remembers the last thing that was entered in the "Name:" field. This is why you don't have to type "Hagler" every time you want to post a comment. The most likely explanation is that Brian used your web browser to post a comment somewhere and in doing so changed the "Name:" field to "Brian Y." However, he didn't seem to have the courtesy to change it back to "Hagler" when he was finished. Kinda like leaving the toilet seat up in a house full of women, I guess.
ed 01.18.07 - 3:34 pm

This is the Real Brian Y.
AND ED....DUDE.....DUUUDDE
The only way to clear the cache from Haloscan I would have needed to post something, but with Hagler's name in replacement. It remembers the last field when a post was made, so if I put Hagler's name back AND posted in his name I would be committing so much more than a toilet seat feux pax, I'd be down right impostin.
And as an example I will leave my field blanks to show you the orgy that occurred in my Haloscan cache.
Joey 01.18.07 - 10:36 pm

.... do i know you people?
WILL THE REAL JOSH HAGLER
PLEASE STAND UP
PLEASE STAND UP
PLEASE STAND UP
...please?
The Real Joey 01.19.07 - 12:38 am

haha
ed 01.19.07 - 2:11 am

For the record, I don't trust anyone here. You say you're the real Brian Y., yet it says Joey at the bottom. How do I know it's not Joey? Other than the obvious Brian phrasing? Huh?
Oh yeah, ahem, I'm standing. It's me. I'm the real Josh Hagler, Joey. It's me.
Hagler 01.19.07 - 2:13 pm

After a brief foray into the world of dating I'm taking a hiatus.

I don't mean to be flippant about it. This is a very difficult decision. One that probably should have come sooner than it did, but fear does fvcked up stuff. I've caused a great deal of hurt in my brief time, and I realized it was time to sideline myself for a bit.

My puzzle metaphor still holds true. I know I will never be finished. Life is a journey, not a destination. But I also recognize that my journey has room for a little bit of healthy selfishness. And now is the best time to do it.

Even though I will never be through with the process of putting together Me, I know that I need to be more whole before I can even begin to look at someone else's pieces.

In the immortal words of the puppets of Avenue Q:

For now.

COMMENTS:

Well you can help he get sexy then when you are ready i can be your wing man. Cuz as of this moment i no longer work in prescott. i start in phx on tuesday.
Are you still help me move saturday?
Love ya bro'ham
Jon 01.13.07 - 9:44 pm

Dude, no matter what happens, you always have a wingman...
His name is George and he lives in Orlando, which is unfortunate for you, but what can you do?
Of course I am helping you move. A promise is a promise.
Joey 01.16.07 - 2:33 pm

Did that even last 24 hours?
Vega 01.17.07 - 3:48 am

Puzzle, A Fable

There once was a little jigsaw puzzle.

He grew up , like all little puzzles do, spending most of his days trying to sort himself out, trying to put himself together. You see, like all little puzzles, this puzzle was cut up into many many tiny little pieces.

Nobody knows why puzzles are the way they are. They just are.

One day the little puzzle woke up and found himself having urges he didn't understand, and noticed hair growing in places it never had before. The little puzzle was growing up.

His pieces were strange to him now. Pieces that used to fit together just fine, weren't so much any more. Even stranger was some pieces that didn't use to fit together, did now.

Stranger still, he started noticing the little girl puzzles were changing too. They used to be so gross to him, but now...

The little puzzle began spending more and more time with girl puzzles. He found over time that spending time with girl puzzles had a tremendous effect on his pieces.

Some girl puzzles had him so confused that he was just a heap of mismatchyness.

Some girl puzzles had him together in minutes.

One girl puzzle in particular had his attention for longer than usual. She seemed like such a nice puzzle. She even helped him put all his pieces together... only to knock them all apart again when he wasn't looking.

This had our little puzzle very startled. So much so, in fact, that when he did get all knocked to pieces, he couldn't quite find them all for some time. And even when he did find all that there were to find, there were still some missing.

His first thought was that the girl puzzle had taken them from him when he wasn't looking. He got very angry and was about to go after her for them. But, he realized that was just silly.

If she did have his pieces, he would know it. They were his, after all. No, she did not have those pieces. Those pieces didn't exist anymore. They never did. You see, in putting himself together our little puzzle ended up with some pieces of the girl puzzle. She filled in places that he had lost or thrown out along the way.

Those places where the girl puzzle's pieces used to be made the little puzzle sad at first. He was not really whole afterall.

But then he thought some more about it, and smiled. And thought some more and smiled some more. By the time he was done thinking he was grinning from ear to ear.

He realized that being whole is the best thing there is to not be.

The whole fun of a puzzle is in the putting it together.

COMMENTS:

Joey, something makes me think this isn't a story about puzzles...and I think...if I read it correctly... you're trying tell me that you're really in love with me? I don't know Joey...you really shouldn't have posted this online for everyone. You have my e-mail. But the answer is yes....I'll meet you on the steps of the Massachusetts Supreme Court. Should I wear the dress or you?
Ben Siemon 01.08.07 - 10:00 pm

I love puzzles. They keep life interesting.
Bess 01.09.07 - 12:52 am

HAHAHAHA. Ben I friggin love you... but not like THAT. I love you like a man loves a nice glass of scotch.
Joey 01.09.07 - 2:28 pm

"I love you like a man loves a nice glass of scotch."
I don't know about you, but I love my scotch sexually.
Crohn 01.09.07 - 4:42 pm

http://digitalarts.ucsd.edu/ arch...singpiece2.html
Scarlett O'Hara (probably Noel. just a guess) 01.17.07 - 5:28 pm

"We Can't Legislate Common Sense"

Allow me to shed some light on context for this nugget of wisdom.

In the class we watched several videos. One of which was a Dateline special report about driving while distracted. They ran some fairly interesting experiments where they had test subjects performing simple, but distracting tasks while driving on a controlled test course. They had them do things that we all have either done or seen people do while driving. Eating, talking on the cell phone, putting on make-up, etc.

Turns out every single one of the test subjects had serious issues maintaining a constant speed, staying in the lane lines and most of them even managed to hit an obstacle or two. The long and short of the findings were our reaction time and focus suffer greatly when our attention is divided. Makes sense to me. It's one of those results that makes you say "duh."

Statistics have shown that drivers that are distracting themselves with these sorts of tasks while driving are just as dangerous as intoxicated drivers, and maybe even more so simply because there are more of them, and it is (as of right now) both legal and socially acceptable. Cell phone use has climbed the charts to be the number one most common cause of car crashes in The U.S.

Some states are passing a "Hands-Free Pullover Law." This means that if a cop sees you drive past using a cell phone with your hand, then he can pull you over and give you stiff fine. Hands-free sets are still okay.

In the video a lobbyist who represents the cell phone companies was responding to these new laws when he uttered the quote that I mentioned yesterday. "We can't legislate common sense."

I heard him say that, and it echoed through my mind over and over again. Really? I thought to myself. We can't? But isn't that exactly what most legislation is; common sense?

Example: The majority of us would agree that it is common sense that I shouldn't pull out a butcher knife and stab Ed in the chest. I checked with Ed, he agrees. That is definitely common sense. So why did we legislate that? Why is there a law against that? Could it have anything to do with the fact that people do tend to stab each other anyway, from time to time?

It's also common sense to not rob a bank, but people still do that anyway. So, there was legislation put into place to introduce a series of penalties for those parties who choose to disagree with common sense. Right?

Could it be that most legislation is just a codified version of common sense? Most laws were put in place by either a majority or an official elected by a majority. And if the majority of us COMMONly agree that something makes SENSE, what do you call that if not common sense?

Hell, I myself know that it's not smart to talk on my cell while I'm driving. I try to avoid doing it, but sometimes I violate common sense, and do it anyway. AH-HA! Common sense doesn't always prevail, does it? And that is why we not only can legislate common sense, but we should, and we usually have to, as in the above examples of stabbing and bank-robbing.

COMMENTS:

I agree--for the laws that make sense anyway. I still want to know why I can't spit on the sidewalk in AZ or use a "personal massager" in GA.
Crohn 01.05.07 - 8:13 pm

From the ever quotable Voltaire
"Common sense is not so common."
Brian Y. 01.06.07 - 11:33 am

Yeah, that is why I was careful to use the words "most laws" because some are just plain silly.
Joey 01.06.07 - 4:59 pm

some people might want to stab ed in the chest. i mean, if they have a good reason. and pretty much everyone hates ed as soon as they meet him, so i would be a lot of people want to stab ed in the chest. and they might even have good reason. who are we to stop the masses from their desires? also, isn't it common sense to want to punch george w. in the face? i have discussed this point with ed, and he agrees. but, it's illegal. we are also legislating against common sense here.
Mollie 01.07.07 - 6:59 pm

Traffic School Drives Me Crazy

Haha. Get it? I loves me some puns.

So, in addition to paying a $500 fine and having 8 points instantly slam onto my license for my stupid little moving escapade, I was required to take Traffic Survival School. For those of you who have taken Defensive Driving School to wipe a ticket off your record, this is different.

This class is assigned by the MVD to people who have reached probationary status on their license. At eight points if you don't take this class within the 90 day time limit, they automatically suspend your license. Also at eight points you cannot get one more point-accruing infraction in the next two years or they suspend your license. I can get one ticket and wipe it out with Defensive School (if and only if it's civil, not criminal). Beyond that, any points hit my license and I am without driving privileges for at least three months.

One nice part about taking this class was the very beginning of the first day. The teacher had us go around the room and introduce ourselves and tell how we got there. After a roomful of DUI, extreme DUI, red-light running, and driving on a suspended license it go to me. I went last.

Me: Mine is kind of a story.

Teacher: A story? All right, let's hear it.

I started with how John and Ryan were standing on the runner-boards while we went ten miles and hour for a hundred yards down an empty residential street. I told how the cop saw us pull away from the first house and pulled me over in front of the destination house, and watched as John and Ryan went inside the house. That is relevent because it means he could see we weren't going far at all. At this point I still hadn't mentioned what I got cited for. The teacher looked perplexed.

Teacher: So, what was the charge?

Me: Reckless driving.

With that the whole class erupted in a mixture of surprise and outrage. Not only did they all agree that I got shafted, but even the teacher was on my side.

Teacher: I've been doing this for three years, and I have never heard of anything like that. That cop was in a bad mood or something. I'm sorry that you have to be here.

It's guys like that jerkass cop that make me hope against hope that karma is real.

Tomorrow: I address a quote from one of the Traffic School videos.

Traffic School Video Guy: We can't legislate common sense.

COMMENTS:

I don't know, Joey... Seems like you are a threat to society to me. John and Ryan should be muzzled and restrained at all times.
Crohn 01.04.07 - 7:48 pm

True enough about those two, but they are not my responsibility.
Am I my moron's keeper?
Joey 01.05.07 - 1:29 pm

Perhaps karma is real. Can you think of anything you might have done to deserve a pointless traffic ticket?
Guillermo 01.05.07 - 1:30 pm

It takes a village to raise an idiot, Joseph.
Crohn 01.05.07 - 8:10 pm