Poop Shute

I Feel Lost Too.

Like I've lost a lot. And I have. She called it one of the best relationships of her life. That phrase made me soar and crumble all at once.

I think of things I said and things I did about a year ago and I get embarrassed. Probably not the feeling you'd expect, but there it is. Maybe shame is a better word. I feel the hot sting of shame every time I think of how little respect I showed to myself and my relationship. I just get angry at myself and want to go back in time and slap that guy around. I think of that and I crumble.

But then I think of April through November and I soar. I think of long walks, curling up in front of some bad tv show, monkeys, penguins, easter eggs and tickle fights. I think of "I lerve you" and tuna melts, pirate ships and hydroponics stores. Road trips, soft sweet kisses, and stealing sake cups. I think of everything that was right, and I smile a bittersweet smile.

Without question, the eight months we had wherein my head was on straight were the best for me too. I just wonder if that was all we get.