"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
-Robert A. Heinlein
I've been ruminating over the great many changes in my life over the past year and a half. It's such a strange thing to me that the people that used to be so important to me are no longer a part of my life. In some cases it's because I've walked away, and in others it was their call.
I know now that it was largely the ignorance of youth, but I always just assumed that certain of those people would just always be there.
I'm feeling very isolated lately. It's a combination of many factors that is doing it. Firstly, and most obvious, I'm a thousand miles from everyone I know and love. Secondly, see the first paragraph. But beyond all that, I'm doing it to myself.
In theatre circles there is often a divide between the tech/design people and the actors. It wasn't really like that in college, but in the professional world it seems to be the case. There are always exceptions, but generally the actors stick to themselves, as do the tech people. This leaves me in a strange place. Because I am an actor, my natural affinity is to hang with them, but because I am here in the capacity of a designer I feel intimidated by that unspoken divide. Don't get me wrong, the actors are all plenty friendly to me, and I'm sure would be fine hanging out with me. But they do not invite me, and I'm not the type to invite himself.
Then there's the directors and designers. I just plain feel out of place with them. I feel like an imposter. Pretender. A wolf in designer clothing. These people all thrive on this, and think and talk in ways that show that this is who they are. As much as I enjoy sound design, this is not who I am. This pays the bills. For now.
So, as a result, I hold myself apart from both groups and generally socialize with nobody. I'm kind of okay with it for now. Last night I had an intense bout of loneliness, but it passed. I'm fine. I should use this as an opportunity to be more productive. Maybe meditate more.
For now, sound work is beckoning. Do you hear it?
"Edit me."
"Burn me to disc."
"Fetch me the eyes of twenty-five sheep!"
...I'm guessing that last one wasn't the sound work. Just a guess.
COMMENTS:
Isolation isn't so bad. Just be happy that you're traveling and that you get to add one more place on that list of places you've been.
I wouldn't be so down on the whole concept of people coming and going out of your life, or you coming and going out of their lives. To me, it would seem unnatural to expect all relationships to last forever.
In a lot of ways, holding on to the concept of maintaining a "family" of friends prevented us from living our own separate lives. Sure I miss everybody now that I'm out of Arizona, but at the same time I'm also happy to be away.
therealdavid 05.24.07 - 11:26 am
I wasn't being "down." There is no mention of any sadness in this post. I was in a good mood when I wrote it, and in fact, I still am. I am thankful for this opportunity and I love my job. The things in the post are just observations. Just me observing my current situation and my own behavior within it.
And I agree that it is unnatural to think that all relationships will last forever. You'll notice that in the post I mentioned it was the "ignorance of youth" that had me thinking that way.
Joey 05.25.07 - 5:58 pm
your quote reminded me of Emerson's The American Scholar address. Good read that. Not a an actor....but a man acting. Not a builder...but a man building...A man thinking....etc.
j-ro 05.26.07 - 11:40 pm
david. you left us all to rot in this hell hole. damn you!
j-ro 05.26.07 - 11:40 pm
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