Poop Shute

I am less prone to anger, more prone to laughter, and generally more relaxed and focused.

But I am feeling overwhelmed by pain and loss. I recognize that I am getting better in a lot of good ways, but I feel so much worse. Today, after a simple conversation with You-Know-Who about the car, I broke down and cried. WTF?

I know who I am. I recognize my faults, and have been working on them for a long time. I spent a year in my "monk phase" on a journey of self-discovery to find those things out. I'm not perfect, but nobody ever will be. I've done the alone thing, and I don't need to be alone to keep growing. I've been in that place. I'm done with it.

Last night was my first foray back into the "game." Sort of. Basically, I'm lonely and seeking some physical affection. Even a good makeout would have worked for me. Instead, I had two VERY drunk girls throwing themselves at me. They were repeatedly telling me "I'm so drunk" and "you have a great body." The ego-stroking was nice, but they were way-hay too drunk to be even slightly interesting. I was of two minds on these two, actually. Part of me was entertained at how absolutely retarded a person can act under the influence. I found myself laughing a lot. However, the larger part of me was uncomfortable about the space invasion and aggresive nature of the girls' grabby-ness.

There were two other girls that caught my eye, but they each ended up going after two other dudes. And because my well-traveled brain is still on Ohio time, I was out like a light at 2 o'clock on the couch.

Welcome home.