Poop Shute

Bachelor Party: The Sequel!

This one was for our dear friend, Mr Crohn, who is tying the knot three weeks and about an hour from right now.

We started out at The Yard House, a moderately upscale American (or white people food) restaurant in Scottsdale Fashion Square. There we ate, drank, and were merry. Some of us were a little more merry than others. The Groom-To-Be was plastered across the walls by about 7:45 by my recollection. Once in this state, he kept saying "I want a steak" over and over again. I want a steak. I want a steak. I want a steak. It was like some weird, drunken, carnivorous mantra. After ordering, and receiving said steak, Nick G left the table to use the restroom. While Nick was up, Josh left his seat and his precious steak and sat down at Nick's chair and calmly started eating Nick's burger without comment.

When Nick returned he announced "You'd think in a nice place like this they'd have something nicer than a trough in the bathroom." Now, for the ladies reading, and those men that have never had the pleasure of a trough-style urinal, allow me to explain. Sometimes in places like ballparks and other large public venues the men's bathrooms will have free-standing troughs to pee in. Men and boys stand side-by-side as their urine mingles on it's way down the common steel drain. Kind of weird, and as Nick said, out of place at a swanky Scottsdale steak house.

I had already been in the bathroom myself, and I quickly realized what had probably happened to Nick. He was a little drunk, and as such might have been easily confused. I responded with "There is no trough urinal in there. There's a trough sink." Nick's eyes widened and he smiled a guilty, laughing smile. I continued "Nick, you didn't pee in the sink, did you?" He laughed a short second and said "No. of course not" with that tone that said, yes, yes I did, now let's move on.

From here we had a brief Xbox break at Nick C's and then hopped a limo and went to Papago Brewing where I discovered my new favorite beer of all time. This was better even than my previous favorite, Four Peak's Oatmeal Stout. It's called Wexford's Irish Cream Ale. It has the creamy rich head of a stout, with the lighter texture and flavor of an irish ale. It was mild and smooth, but without being bland and boring like so many milder beers can be. SoooOOOooOOOo good.

We continued on by crashing Matt Summerfield's party, and then finished up at Sugar Daddy's in Scottsdale. I think it's safe to say that though we all reached at least a decent buzz at some point or another, that one Mr Lopez easily was the drunkest of the whole group. I recall one point at Matt's house when Gurg and Donovan started joking about how they get violent when they're drunk. I was chatting with Donovan's girlfriend Lauren as they were horsing around just outside my periphery. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I think I heard the loud thud of G's fist against D's chest and saw D sail on a high arc through the air past me and Lauren and onto Matt's bed, laughing hysterically the whole way down. Imagine when Uncle Phil used to throw Jazz out of the house on Fresh Prince, but with laughing.

All in all we had a crap load of fun. Lots of great jokes, good food, good beer, and we got driven around all night like superstars. I hope Mr Crohn had as much fun as I did. If not, we'll just have to call that a dry run and do it again. And that (wink wink) would be a damn shame (wink wink).

After my own bachelor party I said something like "It's a shame you only get the one." But when I said that I wasn't taking into account that most of my guy friends will be having theirs too at some point, and by God I will fulfill my obligation of spending entirely too much money on booze and getting just a little too wasted for each and every one of the bastards.

It's my sacred duty.

Comments:

I've been trying to figure out why my hand hurt all day.
Guillermo 03.13.06 - 1:15 am

Why was the sink low enough for it to be convenient to pee there?
Edward Carter 03.13.06 - 2:01 am

I wish I didn't have finals. :-(
David DoBell 03.13.06 - 2:14 am

Ryan and I discussed it yesterday, and Ryan's pretty sure that Nick just made it seem like he had as a joke. He faked the embarrassed reaction because he knew it would be funny. He was right.
Joey 03.13.06 - 12:20 pm

Further evidence that Nick was too sober. For shame. I had a blast. My only regret was drinking too hard, too early, and taking myself out WAY too fast. My drinking will resemble a high-temp blackbox radiation curve next time.
Josh 03.13.06 - 4:00 pm