Poop Shute

I have anger problems.

I know this.

Lately, I have general mood problems as well. Lately I feel like maybe medication is not such a bad idea for me. This is a very hard statement for me to make, but more and more often lately I feel like I'm somebody else. That is to say I feel like I have no control over how I feel. For no apparent reason this afternoon I was in a HORRIBLE mood. I treated Meg like sh*t, and refused to talk at all. These intensely quiet rages are happening with increasing frequency. I think I have a chemical problem.

Fortunately, I am surprisingly lucid about the whole thing. Even as these things occur I am very aware that I am feeling this way without provocation, and I would honestly rather not feel that way at all. Still the moods persist. Sadly, I have no insurance, and no money for expensive medications.

For those of you that are loved ones (as most of you are) I throw this caution to you for future reference; if I behave erratically or strangely aggressive or whatnot it's probably best to leave me alone. Don't try to reason with me. Don't try to prod for answers. Don't try to cheer me up. Ask me what's wrong once, and if I don't open up right off, I probably won't until the bullsh*t passes. I wish I could apologize in advance for these events, but we all know that such apologies would be

A) disingenuous, because I wouldn't know what I was apologizing for, and
B) not entirely appropriate, because it would be as if I was apologizing for someone else's behavior.

I can honestly tell you that I will regret any such behaviors. I do not enjoy them. Sometimes I feel like rather than living my life I'm watching a movie through the main character's eyes and I don't like him very much. He can be kind of a prick.