A few short weeks before the election, and on the heels of FAHRENHEIT 911 the republicans released a DVD rebuttal entitled FAHREN-HYPE 911. Gee whiz, those right-wingers are nothing if not clever. What a biting title, eh? I mean, golly!
In this conservative rebuttal they use the brilliant, analytical mind of the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing. A.K.A. Zell Miller. They call on our good friend, and supposed democrat Mr Miller to make commentary on not only Michael Moore, but also John Kerry. In the "film" the "distinguished gentleman" from Georgia makes the following analogy to the left-wing stance on the Iraq invasion:
"A few weeks ago, we were doing some work on my back porch back home, tearing out a section of old stacked rocks, when all of a sudden I uncovered a nest of Copperhead snakes. ...[blah blah blah. here he drones on about how snakes don't scare him. he's apparently showing off for the ladies or something] ... And you know, when I discovered these Copperheads, I didn't call my wife Shirley for advice, like I do on most things. I didn't go before the city council. I didn't yell for help from my neighbors. I just took a hoe and knocked them in the head and killed them. Dead as a doorknob. I guess you could call it a unilateral action. Or preemptive. Perhaps if you had been watching me you could have even called it bellicose and reactive."
Okay, boys and girls; can anyone tell me what's wrong with this anaolgy? That's right! The snakes in his porch are a direct threat to him and his home and in no way concerns the opinion of a wife, or the city coucil or the neighbors. The snakes are on his property alone. Also the death of the snakes does not involve or even impact those other parties in any way positive or negative, so their opinions would be irrelevent. It would be just as inane as asking the city council if it's okay to eat cantaloupes on a coudy day in a polka dot dress.
So for Mr. Miller's story to apply we would need the following conditions: Iraq would have to be contained within the borders of the United States, and be of no concern to any other country on the planet and all of Iraq's people would have to be armed to the teeth and ready to strike.
Oh yeah, and we would have to attack using only garden hoes.
Just kidding about that last part.
Let's modify ol' Zell's story just a touch, shall we?
So let's say the snakes are in a big glass jar with a tightly closed lid and tiny airholes.
In the bottom of a gorge.
A really smelly, and dangerous gorge that none of the neighbors go in anyway.
And let's say you decide these snakes in their jar are a threat to you and your home, and everyone else be damned!
So you decide to go kill these snakes with an armored Hum-V. And let's say to get to the gorge you have to drive through everybody else's backyard.
Through their fences.
While shooting.
That sounds more like it. Don't you think?
Special thanks to Ben O for cowriting the updated analogy with me. Thanks Ben!
No comments:
Post a Comment