Poop Shute

The State Of The Poop Address

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I come to you today with a great deal of news with regard to this great land of ours.

I, your wise and powerful master, The Lord Knucklehead: Thane of The Land Of Poop, have made some changes around here. Actually, one of the largest changes is with regard to what "around here" means anymore.

You may recall some time ago we had a dispute with the powerful PRESIDENT OF CALIFORNIA on February 12th of this year. You may also recall that the last "State Of" address was five days after said dispute, making it actually only eight short months ago. Well, I'm in charge, and I'll give speeches whenever I please, so nyah-nyah!

Ahem.

Months passed with relations normalized with the Lands Of CA after our Queen was safely returned to us. Sadly, these months were spent in peaceful, blissful ignorance of the fact that one day Lord Arnold's sharp-as-a-muffin intellect would eventually catch up and notify him that he had been insulted.

By me.

Roughly forty-eight hours ago Lord Swartzenhaltertop... or Swatchenwearer... um, Arnold invaded our lands in a nearly bloodless coup (only "nearly" because I tripped and skinned my knee). Without ever using the great broadsward prop he had brought lashed to his back, he declared himself the new lord and master of The Land Of Poop. Then he confused everyone by announcing "I'll be back" and punctuating the statement by sitting on my throne. When asked where he was going he responded by grunting and waving the aforementioned prop sword.

I'm sure you are asking yourselves a number of questions. You're wondering where our great military was. Unfortunately, I had dispatched Fred and The Bat to fetch me... uh... important documents from Krispy Kremes in the neighboring lands of Tempe. With their post left unmanned, we were the proverbial sitting ducks.

So, to you. my fellow Poopalonians, I say go bravely into the new neighboring lands of LA! Make new friends, find new employment, and improve relations with the Californicons. Ours is a tenuous treaty, surely, but we must make the best of it while it lasts.