Poop Shute

Blast From The Past Again!

Part II

Somewhere around this time I went to the back patio door to check on the guests out in the backyard to see how they were doing.

As I walked out onto the patio I was greeted by a very drunk, very wet, and very angry Mike Center.

"Man, somebody shoved me in the fuckin' pool."

"Um... are you sure you didn't fall in, Mike? You're pretty wasted."

"No, dude! Somebody fuckin' pushed me!"

"Allright, allright. You got pushed. Fine" I handed him a towel knowing full well he fell in.

It would be years later, at Arizona State University that I would run into yet another person that I did not know, or remember meeting who would reveal the truth about Mike's fall into the pool.

"So we're just hanging out in the corner of your yard, right? Just smokin a couple cigarettes, you know? This fuckin' drunk-ass guy comes stumblin' over and he's bugging us for some weed.

We're like 'Dude, we don't got any weed, go away.'

And he won't let up, he just keeps asking.

So finally, I'm like, 'Dude, come on, the weed is over here.' And I walk him over by the pool. And he's like 'Where man?' And I said 'right there' and I shoved his dumbass in the pool."

"Holy shit, he was pushed!?!?" I nearly pissed myself laughing.

At the end of the night we found Mike curled up in the towel I had given him, sleeping in the gravel in my front yard.

Rewind. Nick G and Jeff C were playing dueling care-takers over this trashed girl named Melissa on my bathroom floor. They both had the idea that they were going to get all-up-ons from Melissa, and they figured the best way to secure her was to be the one with the cup of water, or the one to hold her ratty hair out of her face while she puked.

From my personal experience the floor of a bathroom has never been the best place to pick up chicks.

I can't remember how or why this girl's Mom got my number, but she called looking for her during this bathroom fun. I'm guessing that Melissa called home to check in at some point and her Mom star-69'd it. At any rate, the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"I want to talk to my daughter, Melissa. Right now."

"Okay, there are a lot of people here, let me see if she's here, hold on."

I knew exactly who and where Melissa was. I was standing outside the bathroom door when the phone rang. So, I did the only prudent thing a juvenile deliquent could do in this situation. I muffled the phone receiver with my ass and peaked into the bathroom.

"Hey, Melissa, your Mom's on the phone, are you here?" Nick answered with a shake of his head to say no.

Back into the phone "No, I'm sorry, she's not-"

" 'Hey, Melissa, your Mom's on the phone, are you here?' I heard you, you little shit, now put her on, before I call the goddamn cops."

"Yes, ma'am." Mental note: Ass not nearly as effective as mute button.

I don't remember how the confrontation finished, but I remember handing them the phone, and saying "she knows."

More still tomorrow.