Part II
So after I graduated, I figured college was the next logical--
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We interrupt this regularly scheduled journal entry to bring you shocking news from the Land Of Poop!
Land Of Poop = Land Of Plague
(dramatic flourishing news music here)
We have just received word that an epidemic has swept the Land Of Poop today. This epidemic is like nothing scientists have ever seen before. They are likening it to ebola, motaba, or even... the FLU!
This disease is sanditis, the name comes from the latin for "he who is sick from much sand."
From what our sources have gathered the epidemic started, as these things often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places. I'm referring, of course, to the sand volleyball court at Ahwatukee's Mountain Vista Park.
Members of the World Health Organization, The U.N. and other fancy doctor types tell us Patient Zero was in fact a young woman by the name of Lauren Henschen. We managed to get in to have a few words with one of the disease's earliest victims, a bright young man by the name of Joey Moore. Mr Moore was kept inside a plastic bubble to prevent further spreading of this highly cotagious disorder. When asked how he felt, and if he knew the whereabouts of Patient Zero, Joey simply had this to say:
Joey: Well, you know, it wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't aggllragllfeglargle...
Poor young Joey was cut off by the ever-present coughing up of large quatities of sand that is the primary syptom of the disease. The other symptoms vary slightly from person to person, but the one mainstay is the coughing up of incredible amounts of sand. And when I say incredible, I mean really huge. I'm telling you, we're all struck with awe at the sight of so much sand. It's just a whole damn lot of sand. This artist's rendering should give you some idea of his condition.
Benefit concerts, dinners, and celebrity albums are springing up everywhere as we speak. David Hasslehoff is organising a comittee to raise sanditis awareness called "Boy Doesn't That Sand Disease Really Suck, or BDTSDRS. Kakhi colored ribbons can be seen worn by sanditis-aware individuals everywhere.
Luckily, the disease isn't fatal, but still, it is rather damn inconvenient. I mean, picture yourself. You're going about you're every day life, when suddenly flegraghuglugh.... Oh damn it. drechlaglickrugh....Cut to commercial, cut to laergruhfeckle...
We, now return to your regularly scheduled yulfregtyluio...
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...and looking at it that way, I had to laugh.
Sometimes disillusionment can be a good thing.
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