I gotta say that my favorite feeling lately has been alienation. No matter what I say or do, I feel as though the people I call friends want less and less to do with me. This is not directly due to the stuff David put on the board, there are lots of other things, and not from him. I am pointing no fingers, and naming no names, but I just can't seem to get anything right lately.
I open my mouth; I'm told exactly how wrong I am, or how I missed the joke, or some other smartass way of making me feel/look stupid. I love a good joke at my expense, especially if it's funny, but some times people don't know when to quit. Many would give me the advice to dish it right back and stop whining, but you know what? Sometimes it just gets tiresome. Some times I'd like to have an at least a somewhat serious conversation and I just get made fun of. Some times I just don't care enough anymore. Sometimes...
And don't get me wrong, this isn't like Brandon's post about feeling ditched, because I don't feel ditched, at least not very often. I just feel... what's a good word for it? Bumped? Displaced? I'm almost having a major identity crisis.
Let me explain that last statement; Part of how we identify ourselves is through our relationship to our peers and our environment, and these things seem to be in disarray lately. Not to exclude anyone, but there are three of us, specifically, that I go WAY back with. They know who they are, and there's a 99.9% chance they will never read this, because they never come here. I love them dearly, and need them desperately, but... that seems to be my problem. I know that things will never be like they were, but I'd like them to be better than ever.
Whatever, I'm fucking rambling now. Good night
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