Poop Shute

**in the following, Arnold must be read aloud in the best Shwartzenegger impression you can muster**

Preview for TERMINATOR 4: More Paradoxes

Narrarator: Just when you thought it was safe to exist in the future; The Machines are back, and this time their plan is fool-proof. The year is 1789...

Jebidaiah Reese is sorting his tools in the barn, wearing his modest black Amish getup when Arnold appears (as usual, naked) in a blinding flash

Arnold: Scanning. Scanning. DNA match found. You are Jebidaiah Reese.

Jeb: Aye. Who be you?

Arnold: You will come with me.

Arnold grabs Jeb, and they disappear in another brilliant display of special effects. They rematerialize in what appears to be a doctor's office. Cheap paintings and cold table and all. In the trip Jeb has somehow ended up wearing a paper hospital gown, while Arnold got a white lab coat.

Arnold: (picking up clipboard) OK, Mr Reese. We'll try to make this quick. Any known allergies to food or medication?

Jeb: What?!? Be this the gate of hell?

Arnold: ALERGIES?!

Jeb: (meekly) None, sir.

Arnold: Are you on any prescription medications?

Jeb: Any what? What is this-

Arnold: That's a no. Ok, here's the plan. We are here to remove your means of seminal dispertion.

Jeb: My what?

Arnold: Your testicles. Don't worry. There will be little pain. No need for anesthesia. We do a local. You'll be home by six.

Jeb: But, but, why?!?!? In gods name, why? What have I done to deserve such a mighty smoting?

Arnold: It's not what you've done, it's what you will do. You see, you will father a son and you're great great great-well, lots of greats- grandson will be one of the leaders of the human resistance. Then he goes back in time and fathers his best friend. Then we go back after him, but that doesn't work out too well. Then we sent a better model, to get the child, but... You know, it's a long, twisted story that makes my Austrian, metal head hurt. Hold still-

Narrarator: But little did the machines know, that the humans also had a trick up their sleeve

In another blinding flash of special effects, Mr T appears (naked, except for mighty gold chains that cover him quite effectively)

T: Hold it right there, chump suckah!

Arnold: You?! What are you doing here? I thought we programmed you to brainwash the youth of America in the 1980's with a seductive, yet formulaic action series, cartoon show, and breakfast cereal?

T: Ha, foo'! What you didn't count on was Nancy Reagan! You see, it's a little known fact that Lady R is mad bad electrical engineer. She saw me for what I was and set me right. Now I'm gonna lay down the hurt on you foo!

Arnold: HAAANNNNGGGHHHH!! (the standard Arnold battle cry as they lunge for each other)

Narrarator: To find out what happens, see TERMINATOR 4: Something Something!!
Followed by next month's sequal, a la Matrix,
Terminator 5: Stomping Around in the Primordial Ooze