My "Family"

I have known John Roland since we were very small, and times were happier. Brian Young and Nick Gorodenski I met later, but once the four of us were all together, we quickly became nearly inspeparable. Nick and Brian, and by extension their respective mothers, came into my life at a time when I had a very unpleasant home life. As a result, I spent a great deal of my time at their houses. We would go through spells. A period of a few months would see us practically living at Brian's. Then the next few months would be spent at Nick's. It was a cyclical thing. Currently, I seem to be suffering from a great deal of nostalgia for Nick's house.

At a time when I had no sense of home, Nick and Marita and Chico gave me one. And I never felt like a guest there. It was my home too, and I was always welcome there. And they did everything to make it feel that way at every turn for all us boys. From the occasional "be careful" when we went out, or the urging to wear a jacket in cooler weather, to the fact that they always kept the fridge stocked with sodas and Tropicana Twisters and frozen pizzas for us.

I used to joke that God made up for the fact that I didn't have a strong father figure by blessing me with a dozen mothers. Marita was one of those. Funnily, her husband Chico was never really a father figure for me though. That doesn't mean I loved or respected him any less. No, it had more to do with his bearing and the way he talked to us. He was always a peer, despite the age difference. He loved to spend time with us discussing the merits of a video game, or extolling the virtues of his favorite fantasy novel. He not only shared our interests, but he talked to us as an equal, not as an authority figure.

We were a strange family, and I don't think most of us would have used that word at the time, but as the dust clears, I can see now that we were just that. A family. Five young, headstrong boys (yes, I'm including Chico) and their loving, nurturing matriarch. Those boys were just as much brother to me as Jon Moore is. No more, no less.

Last week the world suffered a great loss with the passing of Marita McQueen. When my adopted brothers and I came together to say goodbye to her there was a glimmer of the way it used to be. We were there for something terrible, and tragic, but it felt like Marita's last act was to reunite us again and remind us of that "family" that we had seemed to have left behind. There were moments that I felt like maybe we could even go forward together. I still want to, but in the end I think maybe I was alone in that feeling. It was a fleeting thing we had, and some, it would seem, would rather let it go.

Marita was one of the sweetest and kindest people I have ever known, and I will carry that sense of belonging and of family that she gave me for the rest of my life. I'm not quite sure what I believe happens in the afterlife, but I know that if there is any sort of reward/punishment system that Marita is sitting pretty on a cloud somewhere watching over us. And smiling. Forever smiling.

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Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live
in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love
and live that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they
see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is
the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet
their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present,
because immortal.

William Penn, More Fruits of Solitude

My Nap Dream Today

Last night's party was a good time, but left me in need of some extra sleep, so this afternoon I took a little nappy nap. The following is what I dreamt.

In real life Kim's dad has a new job coming up. That part is true to life, but in the dream the "new job" was a little nuts.

So, Kim's Dad's new job required him and his whole family to undergo some sort of special social training in order for him to work there. Because I am dating Kim, this included me. We were all shipped off to this huge mansion, that was split into individual little suites for each family to live in. Kim and I had our own suite, and her parents shared one with her sister Laura.

The memory of the dream is only in little snippets. I remember when we arrived there was a big welcome party outside for all of us. There were tiki torches, and a barbecue and drinks. It was a good time. I remember I saw a guy drive his car right through the party, and it worked fine, and I thought, "oh, I guess I should go move my car to where that guy was going." So, I hopped in my Yaris and tried to drive it through the party. For some reason the path that had worked for that other guy wouldn't work for me. I kept damaging the patio and my car. It wasn't working, but I just knew, like you just know things in dreams, that there was no other way around.

I also remember that all over the house were all kinds of plates of cookies and pies and cakes. Sweets everywhere. I think I had some chocolate chip cookies. They were delicious.

After bedtime one night, Kim and I were having a little fun in between the sheets. Nothing naughty, mind you, just a little kissing and tickling and giggling. Just being goofy and having a good time.

Right then, the "house mother" barged in and announced that it is after "lights out" and we are disturbing our fellow house-mates. The picture up top is what she looked like, only not animated. Seriously, she looked exactly like the wicked stepmother from Cinderella come to life. We struggled to keep a straight face as we faked a sincere apology. We had a bad case of the giggles and couldn't stop.

I think that's about it. Not much, I know, but I kind of have a one track mind at the moment. There is only one thing on my mind, and until that thing clears up, I don't have much to say.

More later.